Saturday, March 8, 2008


It has been a very long time since I've blogged. Over 3 months. It's not that I haven't attempted or tried to. Maybe it's a sort of writer's block for the technology age. Maybe it's that I am too tired to think clearly some days. At any rate, I'm blogging now. But it's an awkward transition, sort of like when you haven't seen an old friend for a while, and in the first 10 minutes or so, you might not really know what to say. I think that's what this particular post will be like.

I am in a thoughtful mood this evening. When I say "thoughtful," I mean contemplative, not considerate. I feel sort of 'heavy' tonight. I can't explain it. But I'm thankful for it. I feel like after a long period of feeling grossly (and inaccurately) self sufficient, I actually feel my need of God right now. That's a good place to be, since "all the fitness He requires is to feel your need of Him." I haven't blogged very much about my mom on here, but I feel the need to pay tribute to some things about her life that God continues to use to teach me. Every time that we sing Come Ye Sinners in church, I am struck with the rememberance of my mom and how much I condemned her when she was alive. God is so quick to remind me that while I was condemning her, she was recognizing her need of God, no matter her faults and continuous "falling short." She knew her place before God and was humbled before Him. I am so glad that God is still using her to humble me, even 3 years after her death. And even now, some of the things that I judged her for the most are the things with which I am struggling. Ironic. I often find that the areas in life that I judge someone over will eventually show up in my own life as a struggle. I suppose that is another way to be humbled and kept near the cross of Christ, so as not to think I am anything other than a sinner deserving of wrath but instead receiving mercy and all the blessings that come along with knowing and being loved by Christ. I read a quote today that made me feel hopeful in the middle of some despairing thoughts over sin. "There is no sin and no evil too great that God in Christ cannot bring from it everlasting righteousness and joy." That's encouraging. I feel like I should clarify, kind of like Paul did, that by no means should this make us want to sin more! It does give hope, though, for those who would otherwise have none.

That's all my thoughts for now. I am glad to have gotten through this awkward "first blog" after several months of internet silence. To all of my friends who consistenly reminded me that I need to blog again, thank you for your endurance with me. There should be more to come this month.....