Sunday, November 8, 2009

Contentment and Facebook

I have a thousand thoughts swirling around in my mind right now.  As I was reading and writing in my journal earlier, I was thinking about how I've changed.  Not in a good way, but how I used to have no problem with some things, and now they are a really big deal.  For example, I am finding it very hard to just be.  Be in my house, be in my room.  Sit and read or even watch tv. It's really weird, and I'm trying to get to the bottom of it.  There were plenty of times in college that I didn't have anything to do on the weekends, and on those nights, I was perfectly content to sit in my apartment, watch a movie, call up a friend, etc.  But lately, when I find myself without something to do, I feel like I cannot sit and focus on a tv show or read a book, because I need interaction.  I have almost always been an extrovert, but I think I have become even more of one over the past 2 or 3 years.  That's still no excuse for being discontent and restless, though.

One idea that I'm throwing around in my mind right now is how Facebook may have changed my contentment.  That may sound dumb, but I really think it has something to do with it. About a year and a half ago, I didn't know what people were doing at every moment.  And I was ok.  As it turns out, I don't have to know every single thing they are thinking or doing.  I think that Facebook, while it is a great tool to keep up with people, has (for me, personally) made me addicted to knowing what other people are doing, or addicted to letting everyone else know what I am doing.  I'm trying to see the connection that it may have with my level of contentment spiraling downward so quickly. It connects so many people, in so many ways, which can be a great thing.  However, for me, it has cheapened communication.  Nothing is a mystery anymore.  I love writing random statuses and having people comment on them.  I just don't know if that has brought any benefit to my character... it's only helped me to become more needy of attention than I already am.  

After typing all of this, I think I am going to take a week away from the FB... doesn't sound like much, but I want to start small... my prayer is that each night I spend away from the computer, I will find it easier to rest, to not have to know what others are doing, and to know that I will be ok if I don't tell the entire internet world what I am thinking every moment of the day.  I really don't want this to be a legalistic move on my part, and I especially don't want to push my struggle/solution onto anyone else... I just want to get to the bottom of why I am having such a hard time being still and content, and I think this week of being without it may be helpful for me to figure it out.