Treasuring Christ in Downtown Raleigh

Truth

2010-08-08T22:52:00.004-05:00

I have not written on my blog since I moved into my house over 4 months ago! I'll be starting school in a little over a week, so I'm sure I'll have some funny stories to share at that time. Nothing too funny tonight, though. My mind is swirling with thoughts.

As with every summer that I don't teach, I am able to do a lot of introspection. During the school year, my thoughts are so scattered, and it's always nice to have a retreat during the summer to figure out at least a few of the many issues that plague me. This summer has thankfully been no different.

The first major theme that I have noticed in myself is how little I truly believe about God. For example, I was reading, "The one who comes to me I will by no means cast out," and "His compassions fail not. They are new every morning." As I read these beautiful words, I catch myself thinking, "How wonderful would that be if it were true..." That sounds quite sacrilegious, and it scares me that people will read it and judge me for even typing it out. But I must be honest. I live most days like the gospel is not true! I often live in so much fear that it cripples me and keeps me from loving and serving others (and worshipping God!) the way I am meant to.

I acknowledge that I believe in my inability to save myself, and the fact that only Jesus can reconcile me to God. Why, then, do I care so much more about how others view me than how my wonderful God has provided a way for me to actually know Him? My actions and entire life would look so different if I truly believed Scripture and applied it to my life daily.

My fears (which flesh themselves out in many facets of my life) would be helped so much if I simply believed that I will not be cast out! God has accepted me, because of Christ, and He will never leave me nor forsake me! His Spirit helps me in my weakness! His steadfast love never ceases! Nothing can separate me from Him! How freeing these truths are! God, help me to believe. Give me faith that cannot be shaken. What a God-honoring and fulfilling life I can lead, if these are the things I choose to dwell on, instead of my fears.

The second theme of the summer for me is that I don't really know how to read my Bible well. I recently realized that until I joined TCC a few years ago, most of the Bible studies I had been a part of in my life were topical, or randomly chosen sections of Scripture. I think this is why I have such a hard time knowing where to start reading, or how to diligently work through a particular book or section of Scripture on my own. I am thankful for understanding my need for this, because all the things I mentioned earlier will be greatly affected by my ability to read and understand God's word. Reading the Bible consistently instead of just randomly will enable me to see overarching themes of God's great plan, which I think will increase my faith.

My favorite hymn, How Firm a Foundation, keeps coming to mind. I put it on my blog a lot, but I think that's ok, because it's just that good :) Here it is again!

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,

Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!

What more can He say than to you he hath said -

To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

Fear not, I am with Thee, oh be not dismayed,

For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid.

I'll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,

Upheld by my gracious omnipotent hand.

When through the deep waters I call thee to go,

The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow.

For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,

And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress. ***Side note from me: No life situation is wasted!***

When through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,

My grace all-sufficient shall be thy supply.

The flame shall not harm thee, I only design

Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.

The soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,

I will not, I will not desert to his foes.

That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,

I'll never, no never, no never forsake.

I'm quite thankful and encouraged right now :) Thank you God.

Change

2010-03-22T20:28:00.005-05:00

I bought my first home today. I am filled with crazy thoughts and emotions right now about the whole thing. A few years ago, all I knew was change - (2004) my parents divorced, my mom died, (2005) I graduated, I moved back home, (2006) I moved to Raleigh, I sold my mom's house, I went to Southeastern, I stopped going to Southeastern, I taught for a few months, I hated teaching, I worked as an assistant for a tree care company, I decided to teach again, (2007) - the year things slowed down.

For the past 3 years, I've lived with the same girls, in a house next to the same guys (for the most part). I've had the same job. I've grown accustomed to things being relatively the same as each year passes. Even my blog is named for the home I've known for the past 3 years. I guess I'll need to change the name of it?

This change is good. I am so thankful to have been able to buy a home. As I sit here tonight, though, I am sad. I think my biggest fear is being forgotten. That's easy to type when it's just me and my computer screen, but it takes a lot to think that others might read it. This fear is a deep seated fear at the root of most of my insecurities and sin. Let me say here that a huge part of my fear is not true. I have wonderful friends, and a dad who remember me often, who call me, email me, "facebook" me throughout each week. But at these major times of change, I start to question all of this. Sometimes I feel like certain friendships are only those of convenience, and if I was removed from their immediate world, it would be "out of sight, out of mind."

I am going to stop right here and speak a little truth to myself. I heard someone say the other day that God doesn't give grace for hypothetical situations. I really appreciate that. Most of my fears that I have listed in the above paragraph are to some extent untrue and incredibly self centered. Not once did I mention (or even think about) the fact that I also have a responsibility to remember others. So, needless to say, I'm working on some things.

Above all of this self-focus, however, needs to be the reminder that God remembers. "It is He who made us, and we are his. We are his people, and the sheep of his pasture." In Hebrews, it also says, "He will never leave you nor forsake you." That verse comes directly after the command to be content with what you have. So there must be a connection with contentment and understanding that God is for you and will not leave you. He is enough. That's my problem. I so often don't believe that he is enough. I think there must be some other thing I am missing. On any given day, I could believe that I am missing out on having a husband, attention from friends (or anyone), wanting to look like or be like someone else... I truly believe all of these things will satisfy me more than God. Why else would I be so plagued by discontentment?

I am chasing rabbits, but they are rabbits worth chasing. It's how my mind works, and somehow it always comes back around to the main point. Maybe I should co-write a book with Donald Miller :) I could offer random stories, if nothing else. My blog started with the fact that I bought a house today. Getting back to that... I am thankful that through a very common, normal thing like buying something, God works to reveal pockets of darkness in my heart, so that light may be shed on them, that I can be made more like Christ.

God remembers. I am the one who forgets.

Top 10 Things I Love... about Jesus :)

2010-02-14T12:13:00.002-05:00

1. He was on the side of the people who were not "good" (by God's standards, or the world's) -prostitutes, thieves, criminals. He told them truth and many of them loved him for it.

2. He stood up for those being oppressed.

3. He liked kids, and he was nice to them. He was also nice to women and saw them as actual people (unlike many in that time period).

4. He wasn't necessarily physically attractive, but people were drawn to him.

5. He perfectly modeled how to help people: balancing discussions and warnings about sin with helping them physically, having compassion on them, spending time with them, honoring them.

6. He touched lepers and other outcasts, when no one else would.

7. He did not take the easy way out when he was tempted in the desert. He endured through the most difficult of trials.

8. He used everyday stories to explain deep truths about God.

9. He cried when Lazarus died. Even though he knew what would happen, he still felt immense sadness for the people who were mourning Lazarus.

10. His teachings are completely opposite of how we think:

-blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth

-love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you

-beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them

-remove the log from your own eye and then you will see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother's eye

I sing and talk to Jesus often. I believe that he who knew no sin became sin on my behalf so that I could have the righteousness of God, which is a very weighty thing. But I too often forget to think about how he actually lived while on this earth, and that I should be modeling my own life after his. It's nice to be reminded of the reasons why I love Jesus, and why he's worthy of my life.

17 vs. 27

2010-02-02T23:50:00.005-05:00

I was recently reading through some old journals when I went home over Christmas break. They were completely ridiculous. But as I was reading, I was totally transported back to being 17 years old, reliving each moment that I wrote about. As I look back, sometimes I'm nostalgic for the past. As I read some of the prayers I wrote out to God as a teenager, I want to cringe. My requests were so selfish and ridiculous. But there was a naivety and trust about me that I almost long for now. Today, I am a realist. I filter everything through my experiences, instead of Scripture, many times. At 17, I hadn't yet been hardened by some of life's experiences. I took God at his word. I believed that God was good without doubt.

Even so, I don't want to go back, partly because no one should have to do middle school twice... and partly because I recognize how far God has brought me. He has been making me more like him each day since then. Even though I struggle so much more with doubts 10 years later, I know that he is developing in me a real faith. A faith that has been tested, and by his grace will come out as gold. A faith that doesn't always have the answers, but trusts through pain.

I must remember that God is sovereign. I wrestle with that thought daily. I know that He is, it's just difficult for me to reconcile that with some of the events of the past. Events from my own life, and events around the world. I was reminded of this during a conversation last night. We were discussing doubts and how we deal with them, specifically when hard times come, such as death. One friend reminded us all that though God's hand is over all of these things, He is not without compassion or emotionally disconnected from His children. I needed to hear that. I can remember the graciousness of God to comfort me when my parents got divorced, and then again just months later when my mom died. He was so tender toward me that year. He still is, but I have overlooked it. I tend to get angry with God sometimes, and to doubt His goodness. I desperately needed to hear that although he wounds, he binds up. He shatters, but his hands heal.

Looking through an old journal from high school, 17 year old me can remind 27 year old me of something very important. Here is something I wrote after a time when my mom got very sick, nearly died, and then recovered.

"My mom's home now. I'm feeling excited and happy and scared at the same time. I love her so much. More than I could ever have imagined before all this happened. I love you, God, more than my parents! I have got to trust your decisions - they're always right and best. Please let me be accepting and content with what you choose to do or to let happen. Amen."

When suffering comes, God is not detached from our suffering. He understands it.

~Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of his saints.

~Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

~And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.

~Death is swallowed up in victory. O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?

God has a plan. A big plan, that I am a part of, but certainly not at the center of. It's with that perspective that I want to pray, to ask God for my desires, and to accept His gifts as He chooses to give them, including suffering.

Contentment and Facebook

2009-11-08T18:53:00.005-05:00

I have a thousand thoughts swirling around in my mind right now. As I was reading and writing in my journal earlier, I was thinking about how I've changed. Not in a good way, but how I used to have no problem with some things, and now they are a really big deal. For example, I am finding it very hard to just be. Be in my house, be in my room. Sit and read or even watch tv. It's really weird, and I'm trying to get to the bottom of it. There were plenty of times in college that I didn't have anything to do on the weekends, and on those nights, I was perfectly content to sit in my apartment, watch a movie, call up a friend, etc. But lately, when I find myself without something to do, I feel like I cannot sit and focus on a tv show or read a book, because I need interaction. I have almost always been an extrovert, but I think I have become even more of one over the past 2 or 3 years. That's still no excuse for being discontent and restless, though.

One idea that I'm throwing around in my mind right now is how Facebook may have changed my contentment. That may sound dumb, but I really think it has something to do with it. About a year and a half ago, I didn't know what people were doing at every moment. And I was ok. As it turns out, I don't have to know every single thing they are thinking or doing. I think that Facebook, while it is a great tool to keep up with people, has (for me, personally) made me addicted to knowing what other people are doing, or addicted to letting everyone else know what I am doing. I'm trying to see the connection that it may have with my level of contentment spiraling downward so quickly. It connects so many people, in so many ways, which can be a great thing. However, for me, it has cheapened communication. Nothing is a mystery anymore. I love writing random statuses and having people comment on them. I just don't know if that has brought any benefit to my character... it's only helped me to become more needy of attention than I already am.

After typing all of this, I think I am going to take a week away from the FB... doesn't sound like much, but I want to start small... my prayer is that each night I spend away from the computer, I will find it easier to rest, to not have to know what others are doing, and to know that I will be ok if I don't tell the entire internet world what I am thinking every moment of the day. I really don't want this to be a legalistic move on my part, and I especially don't want to push my struggle/solution onto anyone else... I just want to get to the bottom of why I am having such a hard time being still and content, and I think this week of being without it may be helpful for me to figure it out.

BJ's - The Happiest Place on Earth

2009-10-25T16:06:00.003-05:00

My students recently won a class field trip to BJ's (the store, similar to CostCo and Sams Club). They are partnering with our school, so they made our hallway behavior a competition, and my class won the field trip. I was very proud of them, and they really enjoyed themselves. They got to see some of the behind the scenes stuff, meet the employees (one of which was the mom of one of my students), and then decorate bags of food for a food bank. It was nice to see them helping someone else. I'm really glad that was a part of the trip.

One student stuck by my side the whole time, telling me which pictures to take. "Action shot, Ms. Christie! Get that one!" When I was too late or didn't take the picture, he was truly annoyed with me, as though I was the most incompetent teacher he had ever had. At one point, they got to walk inside one of the giant freezers in the receiving area of the store, and he said, "Get a picture of that! You never know. You may not get another chance to come to BJ's." He's right, we do not know what tomorrow brings :-)

A bit later, we walked near another freezer, and the kids got to go in again - the same student said to me, "It's so cold, Ms. Christie! Go over there and feel it!" I responded by saying that I could feel it from where I was (it was really crowded, and I didn't feel like busting through the kids to go feel the air). He said, "No, I want you to walk in!" So I started walking over and the employee shut the door before I could go in. My student looked at me, disappointedly, and said, "You walked over there really slow so that she would close it before you got there. I could tell." He's pretty perceptive! :-) He got over it pretty quickly.

After we returned from our trip, I had the students write Thank You letters to Mr. Frank and Ms. Megan, the people who hosted our tour of the store. Here are some of the funny and precious things they wrote:

BJ's is better than Sam's Club.

Thank you for choosing our class to do the decoration. I blow kisses to you all "mpau" (she then drew a pair of lips beside that sentence).

Thank you for haveing us at Bj's that's was one of my best's feld tips thank for the cook (cookie) and for the cony chanch (candy crunch?). I am telling my mom that to come and by stuff at BJ's.

I will come back and be a member.

BJ's definitely made some kids want to shop there and get their parents to become members there! :-) One of my boys kept saying, "I can't wait until I turn 16 and I can go work at BJ's..." Who knew they would love this field trip so much?

My Third Year

2009-09-20T20:02:00.004-05:00

At the beginning of the year, I give my students a survey to fill out so I can get to know them better. Here are some of their answers. For the integrity of their answers, I did not correct any of the spelling or grammar issues. I did add some notes of my own after a few of them :-)

If I could rule the world, I'd:

-change to econmie

-no murders will be availible

The best thing that happened to me last year:

-I got chicken as a treat

If I lived in another country, I'd like it to be:

-clean

-a cowgirl

-a doctor (you're reading these correctly... still no country named yet)

-San Frasisco (still no countries yet...)

-Asia (still not there yet... but getting closer!)

-Candyland

-Om

-the owner of WalMart

-cheap

-Hawaii (hey! even if it's not a country, at least it's spelled right!)

-Florida

-with a lot of fun

(so, this is almost half my class... about 1/4 of them just didn't write a country. i'd say it's time for a geography lesson) :-)

My favorite place is

-In the dessert on a camel

-Golden Coral

If I could change my name, I'd call myself:

-Diamond

-Bob

-Mickel

-I would not have a name (we may have an "artist formerly known as" on our hands)

-Vealatina

-Rose

-Quasia

If I had $100 I'd:

-send my brother away

-give it to my parents

-give it to my mom

Describe your classroom:

-organized, good learning environment

-big, organized

-cwiyet

-it is very organized

-clean

-my classroom is very neat and clean

-a neat, clean, and calm classroom

-organized

(I included this to show off God's goodness and to motivate me to keep it clean! Those of you who know me, know that keeping a room clean is not one of my strong points...)

Describe your teacher:

-nice, fun, techful

-a nice, neat, and gentle

What was your biggest worry?

-of puting my backpack on the hucker. (i think he meant hook)

Name one interesting thing about your teacher:

-she likes to teach

-that she likes giveing people a chance

-her pet peev is when you spell a word wrong whent it shows the word

-she has terrific recess games

-he hated science growing up (apparently, i am a "he" now)

-she is really nice and funny too (sometimes I do a stand up routine for the kids. not really. but I have heard some of the students imitating the way I say, "Seriously?" when a kid does something they know they shouldn't do)

a few more random funny things that have happened:

-a student told me her favorite TV show is Dog the Bounty Hunter

-2 kids asked me if I wore a bump-it in my hair

-when asked how a math problem was solved, a student wrote, "useing my math skills."

-at recess, with a sigh, one student exclaimed... "i think i'm just gonna be single this year..."

Comparison

2009-08-05T22:58:00.003-05:00

Comparison is one of the most unhealthy activities I participate in on a daily (hourly, minutely) basis. It is really a huge temptation for me. It comes in all forms. At least I'm not as rude as her... I wish I looked more like her... I wish I got as much attention as she does... I wish I wish I wish (this is starting to sound like an R. Kelly song).

One Bible verse that is always helpful is 2 Corinthians 10:12 "...but when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding." Measuring myself by someone else will make me lose every time. I'm either belittling my own sin or raising myself up above someone else (both inaccurate and detrimental ways to think...) If I'm interested in comparing, I ought to compare myself to Christ every time, which will remind me of my need for Him and bring about humility and thankfulness.

"Self-Knowledge," a prayer in the Valley of Vision, has some helpful things to say about this...

for sinners bring judgment in thinking sins are small,

or that God is not angry with them.

Let me not take other good men as my example,

and think I am good because I am like them,

For all good men are not so good as thou desirest...

I pray that the next time I am tempted to compare myself to others (whether to lift myself up or jealously wish I was like someone else) that God reminds me quickly that the only one worthy to be held up for comparison is Christ himself.

**If anyone has any books on this topic that you have found helpful, please let me know!**

The Mountain

2009-07-31T22:10:00.008-05:00

No worries... I won't quote any part of the song by Steven Curtis Chapman. At least not intentionally.

This summer has been a really good time of reflection and introspection. Sometimes introspection is not good, because it can turn into self-absorption, but I really think that God has used my down time this summer to show me some things I haven't been able to see in the past several years. Over the past 2 weeks specifically God has given me some wonderful mornings (and afternoons) of reading His word. One particular day this week, I wasn't able to read in the morning, and instead of the nagging guilt I had grown accustomed to experiencing when I don't read the Bible, I felt a real yearning for the comfort and peace that comes with knowing God and spending time with Him. It was a lovely surprise to realize that I truly felt something was missing because I didn't read that morning.

This is huge for me. At the age of 16 when God drew me to Himself, I read my Bible, but I was never very disciplined. I truly wanted to know truth, and I would have pockets of time where I would read voraciously, but I was never good at reading when I didn't "feel like it." I knew this was an issue, and I had prayed and asked God (and other people) for help, but I never saw much victory.

Over my Christmas break in 2003, I came home to Port St. Joe, and I had a lot of time to read and just hang out. God moved in me so miraculously during those 2 weeks. Although I was already a Christian, and I knew I was a sinner and that God had rescued me through the death and resurrection of Christ, I had not truly realized the depth of my sin and the glories of God. Through the story of Daniel being thrown into a den of lions, God showed me the grossness and vastness of my sin, and the depths of His goodness and mercy.

Let me stop right here and say that I am surrounded by a lot of people who went to seminary, and because of that, over time, I have felt intimidated and unwilling to talk in depth about God for fear that my knowledge was "wrong" or "out of context." I still fear that, but God is helping me. Me typing this and putting it on the internet is one step forward in that direction. Ok, back to what I was saying...

In Daniel 6:22, Daniel says that God "shut the mouths of the lions." Those same lions, who did not touch Daniel, had a very different response to the men who had falsely accused Daniel. When they were thrown in, "before they reached the floor of the den, the lions overpowered them and crushed all their bones." As I read this, I became keenly aware of God's wrath, that it is terrible, and that it remains on everyone who does not trust in Christ for salvation. They will be crushed by it. God used this mightily in my life to bring me to a realization of what exactly I had been saved from. I am no longer under the wrath of God! I will not be overpowered or crushed by His terrible anger, but I have been rescued! I am safe from the wrath of God as Daniel was safe from the lions. I am protected by Christ. He absorbed the wrath on my behalf. This is reason for excitement, praise, and a thankful heart!

The next 2 weeks of my life were the best of my life to that point. I had never understood the gospel with such clarity, and I was so happy. This all happened about a month before the worst year I could have imagined. Within that year (really, it was squished into about 6 months), my parents divorced, my dad remarried, and my mom died. A really bad year. I look back on those 2 weeks at Christmas so fondly, because it was such a sweet thing God did for me. He opened my eyes to see His goodness so that when my life and faith were violently shaken, I would know that He is for me, and that He has saved me, regardless of what life holds. The following year was awful, and even in the years to come, I have struggled to find joy as I have tried to make sense of it all. For about 4 years now, I have been asking God for another sweet time of fellowship with Him like I had so long ago. I don't want to live in the past, but I longed for His presence the way I had experienced it then.

That is where I was, when 2 weeks ago God opened my eyes once again to see His amazing grace (see the previous post). I am so thankful. I know there are times on the mountaintop that God gives us for renewal, and I know that there are valleys that are confusing and difficult. I wanted to blog about the mountain so that I can look back on it when I'm tempted to rely on my emotions in the valley.

Grace Abounding

2009-07-17T08:16:00.005-05:00

Over the weekend, my storage facility called me to let me know there was an air conditioning leak, and I should go check to make sure there was no water damage. The majority of this blog post will not be about that, but about the way God used it to bring about a big revelation about the patterns of my faithless heart and of His boundless grace.

When I finally went to check on things, I found that there wasn't really that much damage, but it was still a hassle because I have a ton of stuff in there, stuff that is not easily moved - a piano, a table, a bunch of heavy tubs, etc. After moving a bunch of stuff out into the hallway and triple checking the important things to make sure they weren't damaged, I moved everything back in so I could close and lock it. It's important for me to note here that my storage lock is not a padlock - it more of the shape of a roll of pennies, but about 1/4 of the size. As I go to lock it, I realize that it's no longer connected to my key.

I pitch a silent fit in my mind at how ridiculous it will be to try to find it, especially since I have moved so many things around, and I have no idea at what point it fell off my key. I look all around for it, moving tubs and lifting bags of clothes. At some point of my impatient frustration, it occurs to me to ask God for help. So, I pray. As I am praying, I say something like, "God, please please please just let me find the lock. I don't know how, but just please let me find it." Even as I say these words, my mind goes somewhere that it hasn't gone in quite a while (consciously anyway). Full blown anger toward God. This may sound incredibly ridiculous, seeing as how it was over a lock and key for crying out loud, and I'm the one who lost it anyway... but there are so many more layers than that. I think to myself, "God isn't going to let me find this lock. He never answers prayers the way I want him to, and He sure isn't going to start now." These words were exactly what I have been thinking, and harboring inside for years, ever since my mom died. Everything points back to that day, it seems.

And then something beautiful happened. As grace is always found, it certainly wasn't at my most "shining" moment that God decided to bestow his favor on me. It was at my grossest, most bratty, ugly moment, right after I told God that I was sure he wouldn't help me, that I angrily lifted up a trash bag full of old clothes (that I had already searched once during this process) and out fell the lock that I was so sure God wouldn't let me find. I sat there stunned for a moment and then quickly repented.

I have been processing the depths of this seemingly small act of kindness from Him. In an instant, He showed me that instead of believing that God answers prayer, I believe that He won't. My issue is not that I believe God can't do something, but that I believe He will not, for whatever reason. It is a belief that has been detrimental to my faith over the last several years. He is gracious enough not to let me stay that way. He granted me one simple request when I didn't deserve it, as a reminder that He is for me, He answers prayers, and I must have faith in Him rather than doubting Him at every turn. I am really thankful.

Summer Reading

2009-06-26T22:32:00.004-05:00

Over the past 2 summers, thanks to teaching, I've rediscovered my love of reading. I mostly like to read fiction, but I also read a good theology or practical life-application non-fiction book. Here are some that I plan on reading this summer. (This is kind of like a list for myself, more-so than the rest of you... so I can look back to see if I accomplished the goal of actually finishing them...):

Books to read (that I haven't started yet):

Tipping Point - Malcolm Gladwell

Persuasion - Jane Austen

Plain Truth - Jodi Picoult

Working with Parents - Ruby K. Payne

Books to finish (some of these I've been reading for years!):

Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy

Uprooting Anger - Robert D. Jones

How People Change - Lane/Tripp

Ministries of Mercy - Tim Keller

Under the Overpass - Mike Yankoski (this one doesn't belong to me... I've had it for 3 years!)

Mansfield Park - Jane Austen

Future Grace - John Piper

Picture Perfect - Jodi Picoult

Salem Falls - Jodi Picoult

Looking at the list, it's become apparent that I have commitment issues with sticking with a book to the very end. Maybe there's a book to help with that.... :-) I could tackle this they way you tackle debt - read the books that I am almost done with first so that I can cross them off and feel like I've accomplished something.

I also have somewhat of a predicament... Nicole Wilson (my roommate) has said that if I read the entire Twilight series, she will watch all the episodes of 30 Rock with me. I love to watch TV with people, and that's my favorite show, so it seems like a great idea. But the predicament is that I hate reading or watching stuff that is fantasy/sci-fi/can't be real. Hmmmm. I'll update my booklist if I decide to take her up on this deal.

Please feel free to recommend good reads (fiction or non) for the summer! Thanks!

10 Lessons for New Teachers

2009-05-28T21:12:00.009-05:00

I only have 9 more teaching days left. I'm not sure how I'll feel after these 29 little ones go off to middle school. It's so crazy that I've spent 172 days with them, a total of about 1200 hours with them since August. Last year, I was fine on the last day. I packed up my classroom and said goodbye to them - no tears. But as I drove home, Say by John Mayer came on the radio, and I started crying and just could not stop.

"Every little past frustration, take all of your so called problems, better put 'em in quotations."

The last day of school is a day of letting go, and the realization sinks in for me that I no longer have influence on those little ones anymore. They are gone, and all I can do is hope I said something right, or cared enough, or helped them understand something well enough.

Unfortunately, I never seem to be able to harbor those thoughts and feelings when I am actually in the classroom... where it matters most. Contrary to popular opinion, and the many movies portraying "inner city schools," thought-provoking, emotionally gripping music does not play in the background as I teach in my room. Usually, it's the sound of a pencil sharpener falling on the ground ensuring that shavings are in every possible part of the desk area, the whine of, "But I didn't do nothin!" or "Ms. Christie, Ms. Christie, Ms. Christie, Ms. Christie, Ms. Christie, Ms. Christie..." Somehow, I need to find a way to remember to overlook "the small stuff," and to see the bigger picture when I am in the classroom with the kids. God, please help me with this.

As much as the end of the year is bittersweet, I do love being able to contemplate all that went wrong and right after the year has ended. Starting over is lovely. August brings new students, new trials, and new lessons. It also brings new ideas. That's my favorite - being able to change the things that just didn't work or that I didn't have the energy to change the previous year.

Both years, I have learned much from the 2 very different classes I had. I blogged about some funny stories from my first year of teaching. Now, here are some lessons I've learned in my second year:

1. Never say, or even think to yourself, "It can't get worse." It always can. It can also get better.

2. Sometimes rules simply have to have a negative in them. It's crazy how specific they become too: "Please do not follow me around the room while repeating my name over and over and over and over...." or "Please do not crowd so close to my desk that you get tangled in my computer cord and cause it to fall."

3. When you stay calm and don't yell, it makes it a better day for everyone.

4. Pray. For strength, for patience (although it's tough when you get to exercise patience), for the students. I haven't done that enough.

5. Just because you think something is super cool doesn't mean they will. Although, on the other hand, it is all in the presentation. Sometimes you can convince them to think something's cool just by being excited about it.

6. If you don't actually want to know the truth, don't ask a kid. They will tell you, and it's brutal. Trust me. Don't go fishing for compliments either.

7. Disney Channel makes eating lunch exciting (and more peaceful).

8. If at ALL possible, don't get a substitute during the first month of school. Last year, I missed the first two weeks of school (chicken pox) and this year, I missed the second week of school (Central Asia). It's really, really hard to bounce back from. And I'm not one for using more than one "really" in a sentence, unless I really, really mean it.

9. Telling the kids that you don't feel good to get their sympathy so they will behave does not work. In many cases, it backfires, and they see your weakness as an invitation to misbehave because you won't have the energy to stop them. Firsthand experience here.

10. The second you choose to finally go against every fiber of your being and throw something away, you will need it the next day, or possibly a few hours later, after the trash has been removed. This is true of life in general, but it is magnified in schools.

4 more weeks...

2009-05-13T20:02:00.008-05:00

Maybe this is why I'm so stressed out:

the bookshelf in my classroom where students "neatly stack" their books

and yes... this is a boot. on the bookshelf.

4 more weeks.

2/11/09

2009-02-11T23:21:00.010-05:00

I had a great birthday! My day started with waking up to streamers and balloons from my roommates, and Nicole made breakfast (chocolate chip pancakes) for us and some friends. Yum. When I got to school, here's what I saw:

Last week sometime, my students enlisted the help of another teacher and the custodian, and I guess they just assigned people what they needed to bring. They had Capri-Suns, cupcakes, an array of chips, candy, and popcorn. I got balloons, silk flowers, a plastic vase, and quite a few cards. So sweet :-) It was a very interesting balance to try to show my students that I was very thankful and that I thought it was so sweet, but that I also still needed to discipline the kids that tried to take advantage of the fact that it seemed to be a "fun day" from the beginning. That was not easy, but it worked out okay. There were only a few kids who pushed the limit, and for the most part, everyone was in a great mood, and it was a great day.

After school, I came home and my roommates had invited my friend Cary over, and we all ate Lilly's Pizza. Yum. When I went to Community Group, we all stood around outside (because today was SO amazing outside... 75 degrees!). When we went inside, they had arranged some brownies and ice cream, along with a lovely picture of me:

This all started when Cary and her husband Jason decided to get rid of a large picture of him at our community group's Christmas gift exchange. It has been passed around a few times, and now I get to decide who the next recipient is, and I get to put their face on it! Fun. Now I just have to find a place for it until then. Maybe on my desk at school....

I am thankful for all my wonderful friends and family who called and wished me a happy birthday. I have really been missing my mom these past few weeks, and this morning I found myself feeling an overwhelming sadness, even in the midst of such wonderful people and blessings. I know it's not a bad thing for me to miss my mom, but I am thankful that God showed me that if I focused on how sad I was today, I would miss out on the joy of seeing the family of God care for me and love me. It was a conscious fight all day long to choose to focus on the here and now instead of on what I don't have, but I am thankful that God showed it to me first thing and helped me all day.

"What do you have that you did not receive?" 1 Corinthians 4:7

Thank you, God, for the many undeserved blessings you showered down on me today!

Today

2009-02-04T18:03:00.005-05:00

2-hour delay today - kids come at 10:45. Very exciting for all teachers and students.

In reading - we have 6 laptops for the kids to use. It's very difficult to monitor the use of the laptops while trying to teach a reading group while trying to answer questions about latin stems while trying to keep 3 kids from literally shocking other kids with fake Juicy Fruit purchased at Spencers.

After lunch - one of my lovelies decides he can leave the classroom without asking me. I don't realize this for about 10 minutes. A kid goes to find him and brings him back. I write a discipline referral.

Later after lunch - 4 kids swarm my desk to ask me questions. In the midst of the confusion, one kid knocks my macbook (my own personal computer) off of my desk onto the hard tile floor. I yell at them all to sit down. A blood vessel in my eye bursts. This is true. I wait about 3 minutes before I check to see if my computer still works. I pray this whole time that I will react appropriately regardless of whether or not it works. It does work. Praise God.

After Math - another teacher comes in to let me know that one of my kids was playing with a $100 bill in class. This is not the first time that has happened this year, both times it's been boys in my class that have these big bucks. ***(we found out later that one of them actually traded it to the other one for his cookie and bag of chips... Jacob and Esau?)

After school - a student brings me papers to grade. This is the news that brightens my day a bit. 3 girls from another class chose to write about me for the last writing assignment. Here are some of the sweet (and funny) statements they made about me in their writing:

Student #1:

"She is smart. She is nice. Although, she can be a little mean when your getting on her nerves, but other than that she's still nice."

"She dresses cool, she's sporty, outgoing and hip." Ha! :-)

"Ms. Christie is a great reader, when she reads the whole world stops idmmedieity." (that word is supposed to be 'immediately...') "She knows when to punish you and when to love you. She knows when to act silly around you."

Student #2:

"Ms. Christie is so magnificent and pretty!" (this one makes me giggle, because I imagine she had a list of words she wanted to use that were 'big words.')

"Ms. Christie has beautiful shoes." This one makes me confused, because I pretty much wear the same flip flops every day...

"Suddenly she is very kind." Hahahaha, again, trying to use a "writing term" but not using it in the right way. Precious.

"She loves when I ask questions about math. Sometimes when I really understand it she is very excited. She is never creul" (cruel) "and she believe in me." :-) sweet....

Student #3:

"You are very special to be in her clas. But she makes you take your shoe off if you ask her for a pencil. But she is still a spectaculart teacher."

"She helps you when you need it. An she give out candy to. I love candy. How about you? Don't you like candy?" This one makes me laugh because I honestly don't give out candy very often. But maybe I did one day - she obviously remembers it as a very motivating part of being in my class....

Now you have been on a virtual field trip of my day. Hope you enjoyed it!

Spot Conlon

2009-01-27T22:59:00.017-05:00

My all-time favorite movie is Newsies. If you haven't seen it, watch it. If you still use a VCR you can borrow it from me. I've probably seen it at least 100 times since I discovered it on the Disney Channel in 7th grade. My friend Amber and I would rewind the tape over and over again to learn the dance moves (yes, dance moves) and sing along. Ridiculous, but so much fun. My first TV crush ever (beating out Matthew Lawrence from Brotherly Love and Kirk Cameron from Growing Pains) was Spot Conlon, the tough kid from Brooklyn who sort of saves the day in Newsies. Here are some pictures for everyone's enjoyment:

He's about to save the day.

He's saving the day.

He's happy he saved the day.

Here are a few Spot quotes from the movie:

"I say... that what you say... is what I say."

"Never fear, Brooklyn's here."

Talk about your Oscar-winning writing...

If I haven't made a good enough case for the movie, I'll go ahead and do some name dropping. Christian Bale is the main character, and it's one of his first noteworthy films. That's right, I consider this film to be worthy of note.

Now, the main purpose of this blog post was not so that you would learn to love this classic (although that will be an obvious by-product of reading this). It's because I recently found out that "Spot Conlin" is more than just a name. It is found in the Urban Dictionary and the verbatim definition is:

Spot Conlin: (n) Brooklyn; (v) To beat someone up or to use a slingshot.

Who knew that my first fictional crush would turn out to be so famous that they put him in the Urban Dictionary as not only a noun - "I live in Spot Conlin territory", but also as a verb - "Look my way again, and I'll Spot Conlin you." Looks like I chose my first entertainment crush well. I mean, no one goes around saying, "I'm gonna Zac Morris or Jason Priestley you." Now, it is important to note here that Spot's last name is actually spelled Conlon, but in the urban dictionary, they spell it Conlin. Maybe spelling things a little different than the original is the urban way. Like getting your hair done at Kiki's Krazy Kuts or something. I'm not sure.

So, in summary...

Looking for a movie to watch this weekend? Rent (or borrow) Newsies. Starring:

Christian Bale

Bill Pullman

Ann-Margaret

Robert Duvall

Praying in Faith

2009-01-25T23:11:00.005-05:00

There is a war going on in my mind. I don't know how to pray in faith. I know that it is biblical to pray expectantly, in faith, knowing that God desires to do good to His children.

"He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?" Romans 8:32

"Ask and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for afish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:7-11

My pitfall is this: As soon as I pray, asking God for whatever I may be desiring, I immediately go to the thought, "He probably won't do what I've asked, because of all those other times my prayers weren't answered the way I wanted them to be." My mom dying really shattered a portion of my prayers for a while (it's still not quite healed). I had never begged and pleaded for anything so much in my life, and yet, it was not God's will for her to live. My "petition" prayers became non-existent after that, because I believed that since God will do as He pleases, why should I even tell Him what I want? I don't want to live or pray this way anymore, because it is unbiblical, but I don't quite understand the balance of knowing that God wants us to pray and to ask Him for what our hearts desire, but also recognizing that ultimately, what He has ordained will prevail. Help! Thoughts? Scriptures? Books on the topic? I would appreciate any advice that anyone has to share about this, especially if you have wrestled through similar issues.

The interesting thing about this blog post is, I literally just finished typing the top part up to this point, and I decided to flip through my Valley of Vision book. In it, I just read a prayer called, "The Divine Will." Here is an excerpt that has given me insight into the very topic I was asking about just minutes ago:

"Help me to pray in faith and so find thy will,

by leaning hard on thy rich free mercy,

by believing thou wilt give what thou hast promised;

Strengthen me to pray with the conviction

that whatever I receive is thy gift,

so that I may pray until prayer be granted;

Teach me to believe that all degrees of mercy arise

from several degrees of prayer,

that when faith is begun it is imperfect and must grow,

as chapped ground opens wider and wider until rain comes.

So shall I wait thy will, pray for it to be done,

and by thy grace become fully obedient."

So ironically, in my asking for help to understand how to pray in faith, God has answered. :-)

I love Him.

Please let me know any further insight you may have on this topic, as I will still need all the help I can get in understanding. Thank you!

Random Collection of Quotes and Funnies

2008-12-01T22:51:00.008-05:00

I think I want to start blogging a "Song of the Week" based on whatever song that I hear my kids singing throughout the day. Last week it was the song Bon Qui Qui sings on a Mad TV skit. "On the mike is a queen, now listen to me sing..." Today it was, "It's a hard knock life..." all day long. Somehow, I don't think they've seen Annie... they are probably familiar with Jay Z's version. ***I'm adding this sentence a few days later... I found out that they listened to the song in their music class when they studied Broadway, which explains why everyday students were singing it - it's an easy song to get stuck in your head. :-)

Today, one of my students walked up to me (always in front of the entire class when it's something controversial...) and he said, "Ms. Christie, check out my shirt! It says, 'RIP' and that means, 'Rest In Peace.'" "I see that," I said back to him (Nicole Wilson will be so proud of my choice of words there). "Whose picture is on the front?" "Tupac." It took everything in me not to say, "Are you sure he's really dead?" Rap artists are probably not what the taxpayers are paying me to teach or hold debates about...

Conversation from the other day:

"Ms. Christie, can you help me get my watch on?"

"Sure, here you go..." (I proceed to fix his watch.)

"Thanks. I'm not perfect at watches."

Funny story from the other day:

"Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah" (during the first part, I was very distracted, so I don't exactly know what she said) "and then I woke up and I had a Jamaican/French accent." That got my attention. "A what?" I asked. She repeated herself. Then she proceeded to say, "I forgot my book today" in a very British accent (as well as a kid can do a British accent when it's supposed to be Jamaican/French). I said, "Don't you mean, 'I forgot my book, Mon?" She didn't get my joke. Not many of them get my jokes. She talked in the British voice for the rest of the day. :-)

Happy Port St. Joe Thanksgiving

2008-11-28T21:49:00.003-05:00

It all started out well enough... I made it to the airport, and had just checked my luggage in, and I realized that I left my phone in the car. One of my neighbors, Panama, had dropped me off already, and I didn't even have a way to ask him to bring me my phone if I wanted to. Thankfully, God has been recently revealing to me how much I rely on technology on a daily basis, so I (reluctantly) asked God to help me see this as an opportunity to be able to just be, me and God, no need (or ability) to communicate with anyone else.

As I was checking in, also checking in was a single mom with 3 of the most obnoxious kids I have been around lately, which says a lot, when you consider my profession of choice. It goes without saying that they were on my flight. As I was walking to my gate, I stopped at the California Pizza Kitchen, which is of course, where they stopped to eat as well. When I arrived at my gate, they arrived at my gate too, with the youngest one singing loudly about how he was going to drink the toilet water. Really.

The upside to my wait was that they called me to the desk and they had my phone! Panama had noticed in the car and brought it back. Thanks!! I had already begun to dwell on the practical implications of not having my phone - the only numbers I have memorized are Nicole Judd and Nicole Wilson. I don't even know my dad's new phone number. So, it worked out well that I was able to get it back before I left.

On the plane, the turbulence was so bad and so sudden, that the flight attendant spilled my water all over my library book, and the rest of it went all over the front of my pants so that for the rest of the flight, it looked (and felt) like I peed all over myself. Nice.

Due to the weather, our flight was late departing from Raleigh, so we pulled up to the gate in Atlanta with only 30 minutes to spare before my next flight departed. This actually gave me only 15 minutes, since these days they don't let you on the next flight any later than 15 minutes before the departure time. Something about security... Of course, I was in almost the last row of the plane, so I had to wait for EVERYONE else to get their bags and stop and reminisce about in flight stories with people and talk baby talk to every single baby on the plane (of course, they weren't really doing this to such extremes, but it felt liek it to me). Once I finally got off the plane, I only had about 8 minutes to make it to my gate. I turned into crazy running girl - like something from Home Alone with "Run Run Rudolf" playing in the background. I don't think Jes Peters reads my blog, but I wanted to shout out her quote, "Running with a backpack!" to let people know. I ran and ran and ran, and ran some more - up and down a few escalators in which I literally had to climb over someone's suitcase, because he just would not move. I asked first, and he said, "You can try," so I did. This whole time all I could think of was Gena and her story about missing the flight to Scotland because she stopped to tie her shoe. I kept saying to myself, "DO NOT STOP. DO NOT MISS THIS FLIGHT BY 3 MINUTES." Atlanta to Panama City flights are hard to come by in the evenings. I finally made it to the gate, sweating and unable to breath (this paints a nice picture). I made it to the gate at 8:23 pm, and it was supposed to depart at 8:36 pm. They let me on the plane, and I made it safely!

On Tuesday, I woke up right after my dad left for work, and since I don't have a car here, I called Ms. Vicki (she was my mom's best friend, and I consider her a good friend of my own as well...) and she came to get me, and we caught up and talked for a few hours until my dad got off work for lunch.

My dad and I went to Pepper's, the local Mexican restaurant. Roberto seated us. This is a very important piece to the story. After we sat down, my dad says, "Alicia, I have a story to tell you about him... When I was getting my haircut about 2 years ago, Jolene* told me that he died. The whole town mourned his death, because everyone knew him. Everyone talked about it for weeks, and he was greatly missed." At this point, you can imagine I was confused, seeing as how Roberto was the one who welcomed us into the restaurant. My dad continues, "Well, last month on Halloween, I was walking down Reid Avenue, and there he was! He wasn't dead! He just left town for a few years, and came back." Ha! This little anecdote portrays the very essence of Port St. Joe. For 2 years everyone thought this man had died, and he actually just went to Miami for a few years. Oh, what a magical place I grew up in. We talked to Roberto about it for a minute, and we all laughed a lot. I told him since he had such a good experience, I am not thinking about pretending to die to see if anyone misses me. Then I realized I would be sad if no one did, so I changed my mind. (I am greatly resisting the temptation to write about that one episode of Friends right now...)

Wednesday, we drove up to Tallahassee to visit with my Granny, my aunt Susan and her husband Gary, and my uncle Carey. I hadn't seen any of them in about a year, so it was good to catch up. Later that night, I caught up with some of the Geoghagans, and then I went back home to continue the 30 Rock marathon my dad and I tried to complete by the end of the week (we were unsuccessful at watching the entire first season - but Christmas break is coming, so we'll continue it then.)

Thanksgiving Day was good - we went driving on the beach in the morning, and then we ate lunch with Glenn, Vicki, Bill and Ruth, and then on to another house for dessert (very, very yummy). I got to meet the infamous "Johnny and Moses," my dad's new kids. Well, not really, it's sort of like a "Big Brother" program, and they like to hang out at his house. They are really sweet kids, and they were really excited to meet me, which I thought was nice.

This morning, we ate breakfast with most of the Geoghagan family (minus Mr. Dennis) and most of their significant others (minus Benjamin). We had a great time laughing at old memories, and we relived a few hilarious moments from Rachel's wedding in May (Katie singing bass, just to name one) :-) I enjoy that family a lot.

My Florida Thanksgiving was great. I have so much to be thankful for!

When We've Been There 10,000 Years...

2008-10-30T19:25:00.019-05:00

My mom's been with Jesus for 4 years today. It seems like so long that I've been without her on this earth, but I am reminded that it's such a speck of time compared to eternity. She's only been in heaven for 4 years, but even after 10,000 more, she'll have no less days to sing God's praise than when she'd first begun. I am encouraged by that, even though I miss her terribly here.

This is what I read from my Daily Light book this day four years ago - it brought great comfort to my soul then, and I want to remember it again:

~It is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord.

~Has God forgotten to be gracious? Has He in anger shut up His tender mercies?

~I said in my haste, "I am cut off from before your eyes"; nevertheless You heard the voice of my supplications when I cried out to You.

~Shall God not avenge His own elect who cry out day and night to Him, though He bears long with them? I tell you that He will avenge them speedily.

~Wait for the Lord, and He will save you.

~Rest in the Lord, and wait patiently for Him.

~You will not need to fight in this battle. Position yourselves, stand still and see the salvation of the Lord.

I am so thankful God rescued my mom from her sin, and even though her life was filled with trial after trial, He rescued her, in His time, and took her home to be with Him forever. He is so good.

Joe Dirt, the Tall Tale

2008-10-25T21:41:00.006-05:00

A few weeks ago, I mentioned a Tall Tale that one of my students wrote that sounds vaguely like the screenplay for the movie Joe Dirt. Here is the completed work, for your enjoyment:

"When Joe Dirt was 8 he had got lost at mount rushmore. And 20 years later he was poor and he did not have any friend. Until he saved karen puppy dog and she like him.

Joe Dirt was starting his jurney to find his parents. He had lost Kim and she was heartbroken. he had found an astrode but it turned out to be a pile of mud.

Joe Dirt had saw his favorite car on sale. an old lady said that he can have it and a storm came up and had to put rock in the hot air ballon. and he had fell in it and flew to pensulvanya.

Joe Dirt met 4 friend and they all were from different places and 2 got married and he found kim and they got maried and they had a baby boy

And he came to look like his dad and know one knows what happen to Joe Dirt. next but I know he chaned the world a little"

27 pencils - $2.50

27 composition notebooks - $30.00

getting a glimpse into their little 10-year-old minds: Priceless

:-)

Truth

2008-10-14T18:18:00.005-05:00

My pastor started a sermon series on 1 Timothy several weeks ago. I have been so encouraged by the truth being taught at our church. After hearing the word of God, I realized that I have become a friend of the world, subtly, over the last year. I think this comes from a lot of different venues - tv, music, working in a public school, laziness. I don't think I even realized it until we read the first chapter of 1 Timothy. It's so good to be reminded that there is truth, and without it, we have no standard to weigh anything by. This is truth, and worthy of full acceptance: "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost." This knowledge is a comfort to my soul, and I know that no matter who may be offended by that statement, it is true and good for every person who hears it. I have focused too much on what others think of me and how I am perceived. What I must contemplate now is how to balance speaking words of truth while loving others without judgment.

I feel pensive.

2008-10-11T19:05:00.006-05:00

It may be because my roommates have both been gone since Wednesday, and I haven't talked that much. I feel pensive, but I still don't have that much to say. Here are a few stories of my week:

I went to the mall earlier today, and before I shopped, I bought some chicken nuggets and a sweet tea. As I was waiting to get my food, one of the girls behind the register passed out. There were about 5 people all around her, and 2 others trying to decide if they should keep taking orders like nothing was going on, or stop and turn around to help. All of us (the customers) were kind of looking around as if to say, "I'm not sure if I should look at her, or if I should act like nothing's happening." They called the mall cop over, and whether or not he was qualified to give medical advice, he gave some. They got her off the floor eventually and into a chair, and then they rolled the chair into the back room. I assume she is ok. Then, when I sat down to quickly eat my chicken, I felt something really hard inside of the nuggets. It was a bone. Ha! At least we know that Chick-Fil-A uses real chicken.

We have been studying tall tales in school, and I had my class write one of their own. They worked hard on them all week, and when one of my students turned it in, I realized that he basically rewrote the entire screenplay of Joe Dirt, the movie. I wanted to laugh so badly, but I just took the paper from him and said we'd talk more about it later. It's in my classroom currently (and I am not), so when I get it, I'll have to type a little excerpt and put it on here.

I enjoy teaching where I teach, and I get to hear a lot of fun things. All the students have nametags with their names and my last name under that (to show whose class they're in). One of my students had circled my name and point with an arrow to the word b****. Nice. We get to hear a lot of choice things like that. We also get to hear a lot of new slang and we're pretty down with all the new stuff that kids are into. Here is a conversation I had with another teacher last week:

"Zaire threw some chicken today."

"Really? (pause) Wait, what's that mean?"

"It means he threw a piece of chicken."

"Oh. I thought that was slang for something I didn't know about yet."

"No. He just threw a piece of chicken."

:-) I think those short stories satisfies my writing quota for the day. Until next time.

God is so faithful and kind...

2008-10-02T17:38:00.004-05:00

Today, God reminded me how he cares for me even in small things... A few months ago, I got my mom's wedding ring fixed and I have been wearing it. It's the most sentimental thing I have of my mom's and it's a representation (to me) of my family before divorce and death entered into it. So, yesterday at school, I took it off at our classroom sink to wash my hands and laid it down on the counter. I didn't think about it even once until last night when I was almost asleep. It was out of my control, so I just prayed that it would still be there when I got to school today. When I got there, it was gone, and I got very upset... the maintenance guys looked in the sink drain (just in case a kid had knocked it into the sink), but it wasn't there. I prayed that when I talked to my classes about it, God would move in the heart of whoever took it to return it to me. When the kids all arrived, I tearfully explained why the ring was so important to me, and that whoever took it would not be in trouble, I just wanted it back. I set up a spot on my desk for them to put it, and I wouldn't even have to know who did it, they could put it there when no one else was in the room. When I was done talking to them about it, another teacher came in and told me that a girl told her that one of my students was showing all the other kids her "new ring" on the bus. The neat thing is, even before I could speak to my student about it, she came to me and told me she found it and had taken it home, and it was still there. I am so thankful that God moved her to tell me that she had it. I drove her home today (my assistant principal suggested that), and met the lady she "stays with" and then my student brought the ring outside and gave it back. I am thankful that God graciously gave this "memory" of my mom back to me, and I trust that God will also use this in the life of my student.

5th Grade Quote of the Week

2008-08-28T20:46:00.010-05:00

The year has started full force at my school. The quote of the week is here:

After another teacher had written on the board in cursive...

"Miss Constant, I can't read cursive. I only speak English."

This is my every day.

:-)

The Infinite and the Finite

2008-08-14T22:24:00.015-05:00

This past week I had the painful privilege of watching two close friends both become parents and lose their sweet son in the span of less than one minute. Through both the birth and the death of their child, I have learned much.

As I held Asher in the hospital room, along with many others who had gathered to support Dan and Casey, I couldn't stop thinking of how his short life, not even minutes long, is a picture of how fragile and short all our lives are, in the scheme of history, and in view of God's vastness. We are but a vapor. God is the only sure part of life. I am as weak and needy as an infant. I have forgotten that and have felt self-sufficient. It's absurd, when I really sit and ponder that idea. My pastor, Sean, said on Sunday that one day, all that we hold dear and think of as important will one day be eclipsed by what is most important - Christ. I have become complacent, not really believing that I need God and His word as much as I need breath. I was wrong. I need it more than I need my next breath.

God, forgive me for my self-centered ways. I have believed a gross lie that I don't really need you. I have sinned against you, and I thank you for how you are using the life and death of this little one to draw me nearer to you. Thank you that your mercies are new every morning. Thank you that though I sin, you forgive. Thank you that though I am unworthy of you, you love me. Thank you for softening my heart once again that I might worship you in Spirit and in truth.

This prayer from the Valley of Vision (a book of Puritan prayers and devotions) is a sweet reminder of the most important...

"The Infinite and the Finite"

Thou Great I AM,
Fill my mind with elevation and grandeur at
the thought of a Being
with whom one day is as a thousand years,
and a thousand years as one day,

A mighty God, who, amidst the lapse of worlds,
and the revolutions of empires,
feels no variableness,
but is glorious in immortality.

May I rejoice that while men die, the Lord lives;
that, while all creatures are broken reeds,
empty cisterns,
fading flowers,
withering grass,
he is the Rock of Ages, the Fountain
of living waters.

Turn my heart from vanity,
from dissatisfactions,
from uncertainties of the present state,
to an eternal interest in Christ.

Let me remember that life is short and
unforeseen,
and is only an opportunity for usefulness;

Give me a holy avarice to redeem the time,
to awake at every call to charity and piety,
so that I may feed the hungry,
clothe the naked,
instruct the ignorant,
reclaim the vicious,
forgive the offender,
diffuse the gospel,
show neighbourly love to all.

Let me live a life of self-distrust,
dependence on thyself,
mortification,
crucifixion,
prayer.

Asher Chappell

2008-08-10T07:16:00.003-05:00

Please pray for my sweet sweet friends Dan and Casey. Their little one went to be with God last night.

Asher Daniel Chappell

I Made a Scrapbook...

2008-07-24T00:39:00.014-05:00

It's been over a month since I finished my first year of teaching. I'm going back in less than a month! Crazy. There was about a 2 week period where I didn't think about school at all, but then a few days ago, I got a little creative wave. It doesn't happen often, rarely in fact. My friend Erin always says crafts give her hives, and generally, I'm in the same boat. However, once every 2 or 3 years (Is there a word for that? You know how fortnight is a word for 2 weeks? Let me know if there is a word for several years) I will feel like I want to take some picture and stick them in a book using rubber cement and stickers and cut out construction paper to make it pretty. What I'm trying to say is what the title of this blog has already told you. A few days ago, I made a scrapbook. Mine are not exactly pretty scrapbooks. I'm ok with imperfection, which is good, because it almost looks like a kid made it, but I'm fine with that. So anyway, I made an official "My First Year of Teaching" scrapbook. I won't do one every year (for reasons previously stated), but I wanted a memoir of as many memories and funny stories and pictures that I could think of to remember those 30 kids, the ones that made my year crazy and hectic but also very funny. They don't know it, but they played a giant part in my sanctification process.

During the 7 or so hours that the creative waves were flowing in my mind (when they come, I can't stop them, or they may never show up again), I decided that I needed a "Quotes and Stories" page. After looking back at my blog for funny anecdotes about the year, I found that I actually blogged shockingly little between the Chicken Pox phase and when school ended. Because of that, I decided that once I compiled all the stories into my scrapbook, I would finally blog the ridiculous things that happened this year. So, here is a random smattering of things kids said, and stories that have to have some background info in order to be appreciated.

Quotes and Stories from the year:

While I was reading Prince Caspian to the class, we noticed that a main character said, "Eh?" a lot. One of my students said, "What is he, Canadian?" Then all the kids just laughed like that was the best joke they'd ever heard. I said, "What kind of stuff do you guys know?" These were the same kids who didn't know if Oregon was a city, state, or country.

"Mr. Gambler's a riot." Wilmer

"Mr. Gambler said you have a present for me?" Wilmer (There was no present.)

"Can I go tell my mom if I can ride the bus?" All my students said this, and I hated it. As a teacher, it was just so hard to know where to begin with how to correct that statement. At least 4 kids per day would form their questions exactly like that, regardless of how often and in what ways I corrected them.

"My hair's looking a hot mess right now." Harold

This is one of my favorite moments: We were watching a really dumb movie (I was on the verge of turning it off, even though I had so many report cards to do and it was basically the last week of school). It was about a Granny who rode down a rapidly flowing river in a rocking chair while moving west along the Oregon Trail, and she barked orders to her grandson the entire time in a strong southern accent. I was sitting at my desk, and I started to notice that about 3 kids, after every sentence the Granny said, would tag on a "Boy!"(Really country-like. I wish I could record it and put it on the blog. Just use your imagination since I don't know how to do that). It was hilarious. Once I realized what they were doing I laughed so hard at my desk, I almost cried. I was just so proud of their well-developed and time appropriate senses of humor. The creators of Mystery Science Theater would have been proud. I may just send them the name of the movie and ask them to use it in their next episode.

One day, Ms. Moyer stepped in for a moment to relieve me so I could run out for a minute, and when I got back, she said, "Who's that kid?" Turns out my little Wilmer had definitely brought his neighbor to school with him. I sent them to the office to get it straightened out, and it turns out no one had noticed, and he just got on the bus. He was a 6th grader that I guess didn't want to go to his own school that day. It almost worked for him.

Toward the end of school everyone pretty much loses their minds. One of my students, Shane, didn't realize I was in the room as the class came back from lunch. I was sitting at my desk, and he didn't see me. Apparently, when the room is empty, that is the prime time to jump up on a table and start dancing and yelling, "Check me out! Hey guys, look at me!" That was such a great teacher moment. I coughed slightly, and he absolutely froze and turned ever so slowly to look at me. He got down and walked over, and I told him to come sit by me. I turned my head away from him just in time so that he didn't see me laughing. That moment solidified me (in my mind) as a real teacher.

"Ms. Christie, when you turn around to write on the board, Quortez dances around and says, 'Drop it like it's hot.'" Alcious

"I'm glad you called my mom yesterday, and I got grounded." Jake (This one statement has so much baggage with it, it's actually not all that funny.)

"Ms. Christie, have you ever had a valentine relationship?" Malak

"I speak two language. My first language is ghetto." Peyton

I had this conversation with Wilmer on my first day back after the Chicken Pox:

"Ms. Christie, I want to show you something."
"Is this an inside trick or an outside trick?"
"Oh, I can do it inside."
Wilmer proceeds to do a spin around and grab dance much akin to the famous Michael Jackson move. He then runs away before I can say anything and goes to his bus.
The next day -
"Um, Wilmer, you know when you did your little dance yesterday? I know you were probably just trying to be funny, but - "
"Oh, I wasn't trying to be funny. I was dancing."
"Oh... Well, either way, please don't dance that way in the classroom anymore."
"Ok, Ms. Christie."

And finally, one more conversation with Wilmer:
"Did you know my dad's name is Wilmer, too?"
"Oh really? That's great. Are you going to name your kid Wilmer, one day too?"
"How should I know? I can't tell the future."

I love kids. I also love not teaching during the summer. But after writing this blog, and creating my bi-yearly scrapbook (does that mean one every 2 years, or 2 per year?) and only remembering good memories, I just might be ready to go back in 3 weeks. Now let's just hope I don't have 30 kids in my classroom this year. Call your congressman.

Teaching and Being Taught

2008-04-27T14:15:00.015-05:00

Over the past eight months, I have been privy to some really interesting experiences and observations as a teacher. I sometimes feel like an anthropologist, curiously watching their behaviors and comparing them with my own and those of others in my life.

After observing some patterns of behavior over the past school year, my mind automatically begins to analyze what I see. Here are some observations: When someone pushes them, they push back. "Your mom" comments are used (but usually saved for the most extreme situations). They blatantly seek for their own name to be known and themselves to be seen as great, or at least greater than someone else around them. In fact, almost all of the problems I see in the classroom are centered around them wanting to be seen as "the best."

Here is one scenario that displays this idea perfectly:
Driving to the beach on a field trip, we pass a kid skateboarding. One of my students yells out, "That's right, cause you can't skateboard anyway!" to the kid. I often correct these behaviors, but I was too distracted by thinking of how similar we all are at our very core. I said something like, "That is really interesting to me that you don't even know him, and yet you still want to be better than him. I think we all do that in different ways. That is just so interesting. You should try to think of why you feel that way."

As grown-ups, somewhere along the way, we learn to disguise these in socially acceptable ways. This tendency to want attention and be the best doesn't just go away when we mature, it just expresses itself differently. As we grow up, we do mature, (thankfully millions of adults aren't running around shoving people and saying Your Mom), but even so, our hearts are still as wicked as they once were when we were younger. We have simply learned how to hide what was once so obvious. We mask our selfishness behind false kindness and other ways of disguising slander and pride. If we are angry with someone, we will smile and be kind yet still keep bitter hatred in our hearts. I don't know many (if any) adults that would come right out and say, "I'm better than you." Kids actually would. We will often form it as a gossipy story or even, disgustingly enough, a prayer request that is in actuality motivated by our desire to be seen as better than another.

Knowing this is true because of Scripture and then seeing it played out in the lives of 30 random students from all over the world (Sudan, Mexico, Nigeria, El Salvador, Dominican Republic, United Arab Emirates, and the USA) stuck together in a classroom has been particularly fascinating. "The heart is deceitful above all things and desperately sick? Who can understand it?" This is not specific to race, gender, or age. Only Christ can change these hearts. This change cannot simply come with age. How humbling to see that I am so similar to my little 5th grade punks (a term of endearment), and that I can learn so much from my students. It does me no good to hide my own sinfulness, or try to disguise it in a "socially acceptable" form.
As Derek Webb puts it:

I repent...
for the way I believe that I'm living right
by trading sins for others that are easier to hide
I am wrong and of these things I repent

I pray that as my students grow up, instead of learning new ways to mask their sins, they will one day learn to confess their sins for what they are and run to Jesus for hope.

Mile High Dinners

2008-04-13T19:56:00.004-05:00

This has got to be one of the dumbest things I've ever read about.

Barack Obama

2008-03-13T20:08:00.004-05:00

In my classroom, when something exciting happens, or if someone does really well on a problem, I will hear a resounding "yesssssssss" travel through the class. Sometimes annoying, sometimes cute, depending on the kind of day I'm having. This was happening in my math class today, but apparently there's a new phrase to say whenever you do something well or get a problem right. Today, every time one of my math students did something well, they would say in a half-whisper, "Barack Obamaaaaa..." and pump their fist in the air, as if the presidential candidate's name is synonymous with a job well done. I could hardly turn around without laughing. I just closed my eyes and breathed in and moved to the next question we were going over. TMTH? I think so.

Blog-a-licious

2008-03-08T00:29:00.006-05:00

It has been a very long time since I've blogged. Over 3 months. It's not that I haven't attempted or tried to. Maybe it's a sort of writer's block for the technology age. Maybe it's that I am too tired to think clearly some days. At any rate, I'm blogging now. But it's an awkward transition, sort of like when you haven't seen an old friend for a while, and in the first 10 minutes or so, you might not really know what to say. I think that's what this particular post will be like.

I am in a thoughtful mood this evening. When I say "thoughtful," I mean contemplative, not considerate. I feel sort of 'heavy' tonight. I can't explain it. But I'm thankful for it. I feel like after a long period of feeling grossly (and inaccurately) self sufficient, I actually feel my need of God right now. That's a good place to be, since "all the fitness He requires is to feel your need of Him." I haven't blogged very much about my mom on here, but I feel the need to pay tribute to some things about her life that God continues to use to teach me. Every time that we sing Come Ye Sinners in church, I am struck with the rememberance of my mom and how much I condemned her when she was alive. God is so quick to remind me that while I was condemning her, she was recognizing her need of God, no matter her faults and continuous "falling short." She knew her place before God and was humbled before Him. I am so glad that God is still using her to humble me, even 3 years after her death. And even now, some of the things that I judged her for the most are the things with which I am struggling. Ironic. I often find that the areas in life that I judge someone over will eventually show up in my own life as a struggle. I suppose that is another way to be humbled and kept near the cross of Christ, so as not to think I am anything other than a sinner deserving of wrath but instead receiving mercy and all the blessings that come along with knowing and being loved by Christ. I read a quote today that made me feel hopeful in the middle of some despairing thoughts over sin. "There is no sin and no evil too great that God in Christ cannot bring from it everlasting righteousness and joy." That's encouraging. I feel like I should clarify, kind of like Paul did, that by no means should this make us want to sin more! It does give hope, though, for those who would otherwise have none.

That's all my thoughts for now. I am glad to have gotten through this awkward "first blog" after several months of internet silence. To all of my friends who consistenly reminded me that I need to blog again, thank you for your endurance with me. There should be more to come this month.....

All Violators Will Be Prosecuted.....

2007-11-21T00:15:00.001-05:00

.... to the fullest extent of the law.

Do you know what that statement means on our street? It translates into: break into anyone's house, steal anyone's car, pick up any prostitute and do any drug... no worries, you won't actually be arrested. As I write this, I must confess I am a bit jaded at our "justice league of Raleigh" aka the 5-0. It just seems that nothing is done to catch criminals. This does help me to understand better that God is the ultimate authority, and that our trust should be placed in no man.

So why are these thoughts swimming in my mind? This afternoon, our home was broken into. The following things were stolen: Nicole's week old Mac computer, $50 from Kristin, her bike, plus her smaller camera, and about $5.48 worth of change from my change jar (not sure if I'll recover from that loss...) They tried on one of my shirts and left it on my bed, but took off with the receipt and bag it came in. They grabbed Nicole's computer, but missed her Dell and her super nice camera. They grabbed Kristin's tinier camera, but left her super nice camera. They searched Kristin's wallet for cash, but left the credit card right in it's little slot. They didn't take any of our jewelry, even though most of it was in open view.

Poucha witnessed it all, but she is a dog and can't tell us the events of the day.

Shortly after Kristin came home, we realized that the person either climbed in through Kristin's bedroom window, or they came in through Nicole's back door and then rigged Kristin's window so that they could come back in more easily later. There are a couple of people in our minds that are possibilities for who could have done this. We meet a lot of women on the street and one or two of them have come into our homes briefly. It's sad to think they might turn on us so quickly for money, but when you are addicted to drugs, I suppose nothing is more important than that in the moment.

It's super late, and I just wanted to write my thoughts before I forget them all. They are not eloquent, but they are my thoughts, which is, I suppose, the point of a blog in the first place.

.... Nicole just told me that the police officer and the fingerprint people are coming over right now, so perhaps there will be some more to this story...

It Was a Simpler Time

2007-09-24T16:45:00.000-05:00

I am in a nostalgic mood. The other day I was driving to school, and as I listened to my iPod on shuffle, AM Radio by Everclear came on. I've always like this song, and usually it puts me in a really good mood, but maybe it was too early in the morning this time... all it did was make me get all weepy about how many things have changed since I was a kid. Technology has done so many wonderful things, but I think it took a little of the magic in life's small things with it, when it came rushing in with all the information we could ever possibly want.

We've all had those moments when we're watching a movie or tv show, and we recognize one of the people, and it's just killing us, because we can't think of their name or what we saw them in. It was always so great when, some time later, I finally saw another movie with them in it, and I had that "aha!" moment. I don't get many of those lately, because now I can just type in whatever I'm watching into the IMDB website. When I was in the 8th grade, I remember recording "Waterfalls" by TLC onto a cassette tape, and I rewound and replayed that thing until I knew every single word to the song (yes, even Left-Eye's special rap part in the middle). I did this with Crossroads by Bone Thugs 'n' Harmony and a lot of other songs. I was kind of a nerd. Plus, lyrics have always been important to me. Now I can just go to Google, type in a couple of the lyrics in quotes, and it pops right up. I know it's easier now, but seriously, it was so satisfying to work that hard and really be glad that I finally knew the words! When I had a new favorite song, it was so exciting to hear it on the radio. I can remember being a kid, driving with my mom, and praying to God that a song I knew (I maybe knew 3 songs when I was 8 years old) would come on instead of her crazy Janis Joplin/Creedence Clearwater Revival hits. When one of the ones I knew came on, it seemed like such a miracle! These days, it doesn't mean all that much, because for a price cheaper than a 20 oz. soda, I can go and download it onto my own computer, and in my opinion, it's just not the same when I am in control over when and how often I hear my favorite song.

These are 2 sections of AM Radio that initiated most of the deep thoughts found in this blog :-)

The vcr and the dvd
There wasn't none of that crap back in 1970
We didnt know about a world wide web
It was a whole different game being played back when I was a kid

I'd be in bed with the radio on
I would listen to it all night long
Just to hear my favorite song
You'd have to wait, but you could hear it on the am radio

Just a little food for thought, to get us all thinking of the days of our generation's childhood, when the most exciting technology was Oregon Trail and Tetris (still the best game ever), and where each of us had at least one friend whose mom had a wood panel station wagon. Those were really the days.

No More TV!

2007-09-10T18:15:00.000-05:00

It's Monday, and I'm still not better. And there's more -- I've lost the will to watch television. After visiting the doctor yesterday, I was told that I should be able to go back to school this Thursday. That will make it a full 2 weeks that I was out with these wretched pox. My school has been very gracious, thankfully. As for television, there is just nothing on. It's all I've been doing for 12 days in a row. That's enough to make somebody crazy. Please remind me that I felt this way once I'm teaching again with barely any free time.

In the midst of being stuck inside my house for 12 days, my roommates and I watched Britney Spears perform on the VMA awards. Since I have so much time on my hands, today I paused it on some of the audience member's faces and took pictures, just so you all could see the bewilderment and confusion as to why Britney was performing like she just woke up and decided to maybe walk/sort of dance while lip-synching.

Rihanna and P. Diddy show a bit of amusement at watching Britney......

However, the performance is best summed up by 50 cent's expressions:

That says it all.
I think I'll be doing a lot of reading in the next 2 days as I wait to go back to school....

Wikipedia - My New Best Friend

2007-09-06T14:49:00.000-05:00

It's been one week since I was sent home from school with the pox, and I have watched plenty of movies and television since then. I watched the entire first season of Ugly Betty, and now I'm hooked. The Office (season 3) is now on DVD, so Kristin picked that up for me. If there ever was a great week to get the chicken pox, this is it. That said, I don't actually think there's ever a good time to get them after you are 12. I'm supposed to be going back to school next Monday. The doctor will tell me on Sunday if I'm still contagious, or if I have to wait longer to go back. For my students' sake (and my own boredom), I hope I'm ready to go back to teach on Monday. From everything I've heard, my class is doing really well for having had a different substitute almost every day since the third day of school. I'm very thankful for that. I'm feeling so much better now. The only problem is the scabs. I just want to pick them off, and I have done that a few times. As soon as I do it, I'm like, "NO! Don't do that ever again Alicia!" I hear that the more you pick, the more you scab. And still, it's like that idea doesn't enter my mind until right after I pick it all the way off. Gross. This topic is less than desirable. On to something else.

There is a tv show on right now that is ridiculous. It's called The Pick Up Artist. It's a bunch of guys who don't do so well with "the ladies." They are videotaped talking to all these girls to see if they can get their numbers, and these three guys watch them in some secret van somewhere (creepy), and they critique their "lady getting abilities." In my not-so-important opinion, the guys who run the show have no room for judging the other guys' ability to be cool and have "game." There are more reasons I do not like this show. The guys cry. And I don't mean they "get misty-eyed." I mean they sit there and cry like little girls when they are told that they are safe from elimination, or when they are told what they are doing wrong. If these guys want to get more dates, maybe they should start with not sitting around and crying like the women that they want to get. Clarification: there is nothing wrong with men crying. It can be endearing, and possibly a sign of true humility. But when you are on a reality show where the sole purpose is to learn how to get "the ladies," and you're afraid you will be sent home next, maybe that's not the time. Pick your battles, guys. Is it really worth a cry?

I've also been researching a lot of things on Wikipedia. That's the new IMDB for me. Anytime I watch a new show or movie (which has been often this past week), I love finding out more about the actors and actresses, like what else they've played in, or where they were born. Thanks to these internet sites, you never again have to play that awful mind game where you ask yourself for days on end, "Where have I seen that guy before??" Now with just a few clicks and some typing, you can know almost instantly. Now that I am done with promoting these great sites, onto the topics I have researched. I am a semi-expert on some of these topics now.

1 - Leona Helmsley's Dog, Trouble
2 - Princess Diana and her troubled marriage to Prince Charles
3 - Kenneth Ellen Parcell from 30 Rock
4 - All things related to chicken pox and shingles
5 - Idina Menzel (Elphaba in Wicked/Maureen in Rent) and other Broadway stars
6 - Jenna Fischer's (Pam from the Office) separation from her husband
7 - Where my kidney and liver are (I probably should have already known that)
8 - The Flight of the Conchords. Here are two of their youtube videos.
Albi the Racist Dragon
Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

With 3 more long days ahead of me, I'm sure there will be more interesting things to blog about. Please let me know if there is anything interesting that I should research. For today, I'm done.

Chicken Pox

2007-08-30T08:07:00.000-05:00

Many of you have called and asked how my first week is going. Thank you for all of your prayers! I love my class, and I have many interesting stories about my funny kids. I will include several funny stories at the end of this blog, but I want to begin with the latest info. This morning, I was sent home from school with the chicken pox. Yes, that's right, I never had them as a kid, and that finally caught up with me this week. That used to be my interesting fact about myself. You know, when you play "2 Truths and a Lie," or "I Never." What a bummer. Now I have to lead with, "I grew up on a blueberry farm." Bo-ring. When I was a kid, I remember my mom making me spend the night with kids who had them and playing with other kids at their houses when they were sick, just so I would "get it overwith" and not have it as an adult. Seems to me that "many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." If you remember anything about how to deal with them or speed the process along, please please oh please let me know. If I've been around you at all in the past 2 or 3 days, and you haven't had the chicken pox, you should really be on the lookout. I'm sorry. I didn't know. I blamed my sore throat on talking all day at school, my exhaustion and achiness on it being my first week with the kids, and the little spots/water blisters that started appearing on Monday on being stressed out. I thought surely they were hives. Everyone I asked about it said the same thing.

Just since I began this blog, I discovered a pock (is that correct?) in my mouth. This is no fun.

God is teaching me to trust Him, that's for sure. All week I was worrying about preparing and being ready, and today that pretty much got squashed into the ground. I am worried about how my students will respond to a substitute when we haven't even completely established the
routines and procedures well yet, and now I have no choice but to just wait and see how it goes. I suppose I'm thankful for the chance to rest and think and pray and read and try to keep my mind off the itching.

I just got off the phone with my dear friend Amy Hamm, and she is going to the store for me so I don't dehydrate... Thank you!

Ok, now on to how funny my kids are. Here are just a few of the things I've heard so far...

(after talking about the movie Hairspray)
"When I'm grown I'm gonna make a movie called HairButter."

(conversation between myself and a kid who missed the bus after school)
"My dad's name is Wilmer too. I'm a junior."
"That's great. Do you think you'll name your kid Wilmer too?"
"I don't know. (long pause) I don't know if I'll get married, I can't tell the future."

I also have a student who LOVES Mabel Simmons aka Madea, and he always quotes the movies. It's very hard for me to control myself and not jump in and start quoting too. They know I like Madea and that I have seen all the movies and some of the plays, but I think I'll let it stop there. There's a fine line between teacher and friend. :-)

Thanks again for all your prayers! If you want to pray more, pray that if the Lord wills it, I will have a speedy recovery and that it won't be a severe form since I'm an adult. Thanks so much!

First Day of School

2007-08-26T16:40:00.000-05:00

Tomorrow's the big day... I've been preparing my classroom for a few weeks now, and now it's finally time for it to be filled by kids. Here are a few pictures of my room, the rules, and all 30 of the desks that will more than likely each be filled up soon. I currently have 27 students, but it looks like the numbers keep going up. I treasure your prayers that I will be consistent in my classroom management, show no favoritism, and do my best to teach each of these kids. Thank you!

Puritan Thoughts...

2007-08-03T23:16:00.001-05:00

Tonight I was reading in The Valley of Vision, which is a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions. It's a great book, and it's really been amazing for me to see the similarities between my own heart and someone who lived hundreds of years ago. We are the same. Both longing for something greater than ourselves. Both steeped in our sin. Both wrestling with the same human nature and tendencies. As I was reading tonight, I came across one simple sentence that caught me offguard.

My trials have been fewer than my sins.

Recently I have been experiencing a sense of loss and sadness, thinking on the past, my family I once knew now being non-existent, and dwelling on the thought that I have not yet been given what I want for my future. How often (and recently) I have come before God with a sense of entitlement. Entitlement to His forgiveness, to an enjoyable and painless life, to receive the things I want. This prayer, lifted to God so many years ago, helps me to see that I have no entitlement. I should only stand in awe that He would choose to pour out His grace on me, of all sinners. Were the numbers of trials in my life equivalent to that of my sin, I would be unable to stand. I have not been treated as my sins deserve, not through any reasons of entitlement or my deserving it, but because God is gracious.

Thou hast done for me all things well,
hast remembered, distinguished, indulged me.
All my desires have not been gratified,
but thy love denied them to me
when fulfilment of my wishes would have
proved my ruin or injury.
My trials have been fewer than my sins,
and when I have kissed the rod it has fallen
from thy hands.
Thou hast often wiped away my tears,
restored peace to my mourning heart,
chastened me for my profit.
All thy work for me is perfect,
and I praise thee.

“Behold, blessed is the one whom God reproves;
therefore despise not the discipline of the Almighty.
For he wounds, but he binds up; he shatters, but his hands heal."
Job 5:17-18

"If you, O Lord, should mark iniquities,
O Lord, who could stand?
But with you there is forgiveness,
that you may be feared."
Psalm 130:3-4

Every ounce of pain, sadness, joy, sorrow, frustration, gain, or loss is - as His child - meant to bring me more intimately to Him, pointing me to His grace, His goodness, His love, that I may abide in the shadow of the Almighty.

When I am tempted to complain that my life is not what I think it should be, may I remember that my trials are fewer than my sins, and be thankful and humbled before our great God.

The Big Apple

2007-07-18T17:06:00.001-05:00

Nicole, Erin, and I just returned from our trip to New York City. I really liked it. Here is what our week looked like, in words and pictures...

Day 1: After landing at La Guardia, I found Nicole and Erin with much difficulty, but nonetheless, I found them. A man told us that he would take us and an older couple all with him to our hotels. We were wondering how that would work, seeing as how there were 5 of us, at least 2 bags for each person, plus purses/briefcases, as well as the driver. He assured us we had room. "I have a limo!" He repeated that phrase a lot. We found out how much it would cost and then we followed him. This was our limo, awaiting us like a chariot:

This wasn't actually the one, I didn't have time to take a picture of it. But it was an Expedition and he definitely called it a limo more than 4 times. Funny.

Once we got to our hotel, we couldn't check in for a few hours, so we checked our bags, ate lunch, and walked around Times Square. I didn't have my camera at this point (it was in my carry-on bag at the hotel), but I really think that Ted Danson was sitting at the table next to us. I kept thinking the guy looked like a really old Ted Danson, and when I got home and looked up what he really looked like, I realized that it turns out Ted Danson is really old. So I think it might have been him. Or someone that looked a lot like him.

We walked around some more, taking in the chaos that is Times Square like the tourists we were. Then we stumbled upon a TKTS booth (half price Broadway tickets), that happened to be on the same street as our hotel, and we decided to wait in line to see a show that night. We got tickets for Hairspray, and it was great! It was my first Broadway show ever. We were up in the way back, far left balcony, but we could still see well and really enjoy it. We waited around to watch the cast come out after the show, and I got my picture taken with ... drumroll please ... Jerry Mathers. Aka, "The Beaver" from Leave it to Beaver! I love meeting famous people! Especially ones that were in shows I watched growing up. After we were finished posing with the Beav, we were hungry so we walked around for about an hour to figure out where we wanted to eat dinner. We were so tired we ended up just going to McDonald's in Times Square because it was so close to our hotel. Those were the best chicken nuggets ever.

Day 2: We started our morning at 9:30 with a Dean and Deluca bagel. Afterwards, we made our way to the Hudson River to get on the Circle Line Boat tour. We got to see the Statue of Liberty, Ellis Island, where the World Trade Center was, the harbor where the Titanic would have docked, the Empire State Building, and a lot of other historical things. I bought a commemorative mug on the boat, because it was the only place in NYC where you could get free refills if you bought it. I was thirsty. Afterward, we decided to wait in line again for another Broadway show. Erin walked around the corner and bought us some pizza and some drinks and we ate in the line. We decided to see Rent. We got our tickets and then walked around some more, before going back to the room to get ready. We saw that our tickets said "Orchestar R," and we just thought we were probably in row R. Since the tickets were half priced again, we thought that was fine. At least we were on the floor this time. As Erin looked more closely though, we realized we were actually sitting in Orchestra Right and we would be in the 2nd row. Crazy! We called to make sure that was right, and it was. We were about 5 feet from the stage and from the performers. Sometimes you could smile at them and they would smile back. That was a fun, but slightly awkward game. Afterward, we again went to Times Square to walk around.

Day 3: We ate at this place called Roxy's Delicatessen on Broadway. I wasn't a big fan, and it was super expensive. But then again, everything in NYC is. We went on from there to go on our NBC studio tour. That was pretty neat. We went into Conan O'Brien's studio, and also the SNL studio. It was a Saturday though, and the summer, so no famous folks were milling around. Afterwards, we began the Rockefeller Center tour. Note that I said began. We had the worst tour guide ever. We had to wear headphones on our head to listen to him, and he smacked his mouth and made noises like that a lot. Not only that, but he would say something and be completely silent for about 4 seconds, and then look at us like he was mad, and thrust his arms out toward us, as if to say, "Are you telling me you didn't know that?" He did this about 15 times in the first 5 minutes of our tour. Oh, and he was a heavy breather. Two girls handed him their headphones and said, "We have to go back to our rooms." That tipped us off that it wasn't just us. This guy truly was an awful tour guide. We hung around about 10 more minutes, and then when the group went around a corner, we took off in the other direction. After we returned our headphones and breathed HUGE sighs of thankfulness that we didn't have to endure an hour of his tour-giving, we bought hotdogs from a vendor. After that, Nicole and Erin graciously walked back to the room with me, since I had forgotten my camera that morning. On our way back, we ran into the naked cowboy. That was funny. He was pretty creepy, actually. I only took his picture from afar. After that, we bought tickets to get on the double decker touring bus (we were straight-up unashamed tourists on this trip). That day we took the uptown tour (Central Park, Harlem, 5th Avenue). We saw where John Lennon was shot (the picture to the right).

Here are some of my favorite pictures from that tour:

After the tour, we went back to the hotel to get ready for dinner. We went to a revolving restaurant on top of the Mariott Marquis. It was good food, and the view was incredible. You could see the Hudson, the Empire State Building, the Chrysler Building, and we went at sunset so it was extra nice. Afterward, we walked across the street to watch people come out of the Beauty and the Beast show. There was a girl there who was a bit too enthusiastic about the show. She definitely wore her yellow Belle ballgown to the show. She was probably about 15 years old. We got a kick out of that. Then we walked back to the hotel and witnessed a drug deal. Well, kind of. A guy had poured out pills from an empty bottle and was holding them out to a girl saying, in an angry Donald Trump accent, "Take whatevah ya want!"

Day 4: We took the downtown bus tour this time (Greenwich Village, Chinatown, Ground Zero). We had our day planned out perfectly, but then we missed our first stop because the tour guide was talking SO fast. So we got off in Chinatown at 9:30 am. The only place to get breakfast was Starbucks so we headed that direction. We shopped for a while, bought a few things, and then got back on the bus. The next stop was Ground Zero. In front of that is St. Paul's Chapel, which is where relief workers would rest and eat between shifts. The building was untouched, even though it sat right across the street from the building. It was so neat to be there, and to be able to thank God for preserving the building, so that there could be such a close place for the workers to go. It is literally right across the street. We went to see the actual site after that, but for me, seeing it from the plane was the real moment of shock. Seeing the buildings all around it, and the hole where it once was, and all the people that died that day. It's very difficult to process and grasp the terror of it.

When we left Ground Zero, we got back on the bus and went back to our hotel to change, since it was SO hot that day. We decided to try to find John's Pizzeria, a place that Dan and Casey told us about that's in Greenwich Village. It was about 2:00 when we decided to try to get there. After 2 hours of getting on buses and creeping along with tour guides that stopped every 5 seconds, we finally decided to get off and just buy a metro card and ride the subway there. We got lost in the maze of the system, but we finally made it there around 5 pm. So much for lunch! The picture of Nicole waiting on the subway (to the right) accurately portrays our feelings on being hungry and lost. When we finally got there, the food was super. We were so hungry, and it was such a great meal. Afterward, we walked around and found the cutest little neighborhood where all the apartments looked like the Cosby Show house.

Here are some of my favorite downtown tour pictures:

After the pizza fiasco, we went to Serendipity to have some frozen hot chocolate. SO GOOD. If you're ever going to NYC, make reservations a couple of weeks in advance, and go get some.

Day 5: Our last day! We started by waking up at 4:45 am and going to stand in line for Good Morning America. Little did we know, that once we were inside, with our tickets in hand, we would still be standing. There are no seats! I did not know that. None of us did. It's a good thing. We probably wouldn't have gone if we would have known. Diane Sawyer wasn't there, she was interviewing John Edwards in New Orleans via live feed. Strike One. We stood for 2 hours not counting waiting in line. Strike Two. That's all the strikes. The rest of it was kind of fun. The audience coordinator was really funny, and she cracked jokes about the show being number 2 and not having enough money to buy chairs. There was a funny kid there who held up a sign for his grandma who is "83 years young" according to his sign. The most intriguing part came in the beginning when we were in the line when they took the people with no tickets out and made them stand outside. This one particular kind of "thug life" kid had to be a "stand outsider," and it clearly upset him. He was so sad. At the end of the show, I saw him leaning over a rail, looking so dejected and depressed. I took his picture (he didn't know). Erin, Nicole and I went to Starbucks and had been gone at least 10 or 15 minutes, and when we walked back that way, he was still there, still looking sad! We don't know what his story was, but it must have been a sad one.

After our GMA adventure, we went back to our hotel, checked out, did some more sightseeing, and then went to the airport.

Good bye New York!
I want to come back soon.

Laughter, the Best Medicine

2007-07-10T19:47:00.000-05:00

I recently found several quotes I like by this comedian, Demetri Martin. Turns out, he's very funny, and I thought you all should be able to laugh. So read on, and enjoy yourselves.

“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you’re really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you’re saying: ‘Hope I don’t get chased today.’"

“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.’ But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool’. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool’ is all about leather sleeves.”

"I was in a store and I saw a pocket dictionary and that made me laugh because it’s such…a specific item. I don’t know that many words and I’m going out…and I have pants. Perfect!”

“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that’s 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.’”

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”

“I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’”

"Employee of the month is a good example of how somebody can be both a winner and a loser at the same time."

"I got some new pajamas with pockets in 'em. Which is great, because before that, I used to have to hold stuff when I slept. But now I'm like, 'Where's my planner? There it is. Keep sleeping. All right, perfect.'"

"A lot of people don't like bumper stickers. I don't mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It's like a little sign that says 'Hey, let's never hang out.'"

"I keep a lighter in my back pocket all the time. I'm not a smoker, I just really like certain songs."

“I like video games, but they’re really violent. I’d like to play a video game where you help the people who were shot in all the other games. It’d be called ‘Really Busy Hospital.’”

“I think vests are all about protection. You know what I mean? Like a lifevest protects you from drowning and bulletproof vests protect you from getting shot and the sweatervest protects you from pretty girls. ‘Leave me alone. Can’t you see I’m cold just right here?’”

“I like the beach. I like to get there really early before everyone else shows up and take like thirty bottles with notes in them and throw them into the water. Then I wait for everyone to come to the beach and when someone goes to pick up one of the bottles, I go up behind them because when they open it there’s a note saying ‘I’m standing right behind you.’”

“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.”

“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”

"Graffiti’s the most passionate literature there is, you know? It’s always like 'Bush sucks!', 'U2 Rocks!' I want to make indifferent graffiti. 'Toy Story 2 was okay!' 'I like Sheryl as a friend, but I’m not sure about taking things further.' 'This is a bridge!'"

"A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color?” A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like “What’s your favorite color…person?”

Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?

2007-06-01T10:32:00.001-05:00

After several weeks of wondering, I found out yesterday that I will be returning to the same school next year - this time to be a 5th grade teacher.

I was talking to a good friend, Katie, yesterday, contemplating the irony of this whole situation. Just 2 years ago, I was living in Florida, ready to go overseas (and would not be satisfied with anything "less"), definitely not wanting to teach in America or really teach anywhere. God is crazy good to allow my heart to be changed in the ways that it has. First of all, by His grace, I am now a part of a local body who seeks to spread a joyful love for Jesus Christ to all people for the glory of God. Until Treasuring Christ Church, I had personally never seen ministry, pursuing racial harmony or loving people really done well or efficiently in America. Thus, the reason my heart was so jaded toward "here" and inclined toward "there" (so long as "there" was in another country). Through God's word and His Spirit, I am learning that it's not so much where I go, or what I am doing, but that I am seeking to joyfully obey Christ in all He commands. Whether in America or overseas. Whether in Florida or North Carolina.

For all those who knew me several years ago, I'm sure you each heard me say (more than once), "I will never teach in America. I just don't want to have a 'normal' life. I can't see being content staying here, teaching, when I could be going and sharing Christ overseas." Looking back, I think that what I really wanted was adventure and for people to look at me and think, "Wow. She is amazing." Of course I would tag on an "It's only by His grace..." but my heart would be relishing in the praise of men for my boldness to go to a foreign land and share God's wonderful news. Praise God for a church that doesn't tolerate this kind of false humility! And praise Him for those who have learned this and are able to go in true humility to share the love of Christ overseas and in our own nation.

Though I don't know what my future holds, I know that God has brought me to a place of contentment in Him as I teach next year. I am so thankful for learning the importance of joyful obedience to Christ, no matter where I am or what my life looks like.

There are many reasons why I am so excited to move forward into teaching:

-I will be able to daily fight for social justice.
-I will be able to teach the kids that free breakfast comes from tax payers.
(See my blogging friend Ben Robinson's recent blog about the public school system...)
-5th grade math is way more interesting than the 2nd grade math I've been teaching.
-I will be able to attemp modeling/teaching character and integrity, and wise decision making.
-I will be smarter than (or at least as smart as) a 5th grader by the time next June rolls around.
-I have the benefit of the Spirit of God living within me to give me constant wisdom, comfort, and discernment in the classroom. I could not teach apart from Him.

I am still looking for any advice or ideas for creative consequences, loving discipline (and what that really looks like), and ways to not get walked all over by these precious little jewels. (These will be the same group of kids that I blogged about last month -"Freedom Writers"). Any ideas? Let me know! Even if you're not a teacher or a parent, I would appreciate any input you can give. A big thanks to all of you who have labored with me through this process of learning truth, and especially to Kristin and Nicole who daily listen to my stories.

God is ever so faithful!

FLORIDA

2007-05-28T22:11:00.000-05:00

Sometimes I really miss the sunshine state. Especially after I've just been there on a visit. I came across some funny statements, and they made me think of the unique place where I spent the first 23 years of my life. Enjoy!

You know you're from Florida if...

Flip-flops are everyday wear.

Someone has named a boat after you.

An alligator once walked through your neighborhood.

You measure distance in minutes.

You get annoyed at the tourists who feed seagulls.

All the local festivals are named after a fruit.

A mountain is any hill 100 feet above sea level.

You think everyone from a bigger city has a northern accent.

The 4 seasons are actually: almost summer, summer, not summer but really hot, and Christmas.

You know that no other grocery store can compare to Piggly Wiggly.

Anything under 95 is just warm.

Anything under 70 is chilly.

You've hosted a hurricane party.

You pass on the right.

You understand the futility of exterminating cockroaches.

You understand why it's better to have a friend with a boat, than have a boat yourself.

You get annoyed when people say "Florida isn't really part of the South."

You've worn shorts and used the A/C on Christmas.

Your parents caught and sold fish in order to be able to feed you.

You know what the "stingray shuffle" is, and why it's important.

Socks are only for bowling.

A good parking place has nothing to do with distance from the store, but everything to do with shade.

You can tell the difference between fire ant bites and mosquito bites.

You dread lovebug season.

Every other house had blue roofs in 2004-2005.

You are on a first name basis with the Hurricane list. They aren't Hurricane Charley, Hurricane Frances...but Charley, Frances, Ivan and Jeanne.

You know that anything under a Category 3 just isn't worth waking up for.

You were twelve before you ever saw snow or you still haven't.

You could swim before you could read.

Most of all... when you live anywhere else, you miss the beach!

Insomnia

2007-05-05T01:36:00.000-05:00

It's super late at night, and I just can't sleep. I've already cleaned my room (which is a huge task, if you know the messes I tend to make during the week...), and I'm still not very tired. So I thought I'd copy and paste the lyrics to several of my favorite hymns, mostly just because I want to read the words to them right now. I prefer hymns over many other types of songs, simply because so many of them were born out of adversity, written out of grief, pain, and suffering, all the while still proclaiming the greatness of our glorious God! Side note* I do wish some talented musicians would make some acoustic/non-choir versions of these hymns so I could actually listen to them during the week maybe on my ipod. *End of side note.

This first one became very special to me around the time that God opened my eyes to first see the weight of my sin. I had never really considered the enormity of my sin and God's wrath and the fact that I now do not have to endure it because of Christ, because I am in fact hidden in Him.

Rock of Ages

Rock of ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in thee;
Let the water and the blood,
From thy wounded side which flowed,
Be of sin the double cure,
Save from wrath and make me pure.

Could my tears for ever flow,
Could my zeal no languor know.
These for sin could not atone;
Thou must save and thou alone:
In my hand no price I bring,
Simply to thy cross I cling.

While I draw this fleeting breath,
When my eyes shall close in death,
When I rise to worlds unknown,
And behold thee on thy throne,
Rock of ages, cleft for me,
Let me hide myself in thee.

God used this particular hymn mightily in my life during my parents divorce and the death of my mom. Though I could not see how anything would ever be good again, He gave me so much peace and strength to stand... He kept me tight in His hand, never letting me go. His word proves true!

How Firm A Foundation

How firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent Word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said,
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled?

"Fear not, I am with thee, O be not dismayed,
For I am thy God and will still give thee aid;
I'll strengthen and help thee, and cause thee to stand
Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

"When through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of woe shall not thee overflow;
For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.

"When through fiery trials thy pathways shall lie,
My grace, all sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not hurt thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume, and thy gold to refine.

"The soul that on Jesus still leans for repose,
I will not, I will not desert to its foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I'll never, no never, no never forsake."

I mostly like this one because it's fun for me to play on the piano. The words are the main reason behind my excitement and joy in playing it.

Jesus, What a Friend for Sinners

Jesus! What a friend for sinners!
Jesus! Lover of my soul;
Friends may fail me, foes assail me,
He, my Savior, makes me whole.

Chorus: Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Hallelujah! What a friend!
Saving, helping, keeping, loving,
He is with me to the end.

Jesus! What a strength in weakness!
Let me hide myself in Him.
Tempted, tried, and sometimes failing,
He, my strength, my victory wins.

Jesus! What a help in sorrow!
While the billows o’er me roll,
Even when my heart is breaking,
He, my comfort, helps my soul.

Jesus! I do now receive Him,
More than all in Him I find.
He hath granted me forgiveness,
I am His, and He is mine.

I think I'm finally ready to sleep now.

Freedom Writers? Maybe Not Yet

2007-04-25T16:20:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I blogged (the blurb about Sanjaya doesn't count... that was posted on a joyous whim that he won't be performing on American Idol anymore...). Since the last post I've traveled to Central Asia, returned and started a teaching job here in Raleigh. I've debated about blogging about my Central Asia trip. My conclusion is that I will redirect anyone interested in hearing about it to my friend Amy Hamm's blog. She's still there, and will be for another 2 months. Comment on it and encourage her. I mean, if you know her. If you don't, you still could, although that may be a bit awkward. You should probably introduce yourself first, that way it's not just "drive-by commenting..." I'm sure she would appreciate it any prayers and encouragement and funny stories.

On to teaching. I have a great job, I really do. I work with 2nd graders most days, and I get to take small groups of kids out to the library and help them with math or reading or phonics. They are all super sweet, and very compliant. They just need some extra help, which I am glad to give them. They make teaching an honest joy.

Then there was 4th grade. The office pages me yesterday morning to tell me I am going to be subbing for a 4th grade class. Now, let me get one thing across in this blog. Kids that are older than 3rd grade terrify me. Absolutely. But I just smile and say, "Of course, that's fine." I mean, it's my job, what am I supposed to say, "Oh, no thanks, I'd rather not." The lady in the office then looks around and leans in and basically warns me about the class that I will be entering. So the day begins. I emailed Joanna after only an hour of being in the room, telling her that I respect her so much after I subbed the other day (my friend Joanna, who also goes to TCC teaches 4th grade at another school).

These kids did a lot of different things. It would take too much effort to dialogue even a few of the arguments that occured every 3 1/2 minutes or so, so I'll just list some of the things that happened: shoving each other off chairs (that they were standing in, mind you), yelling at me, yelling at each other, talking about each other's mama's and gramma's, storming out of the room mad at me, slamming the classroom door loudly, telling a heavier little girl that she was going to break a chair she was standing, yes standing, on. This is just a snapshot of them. As for me, I tried many tactics, and they responded to nothing. Telling them firmly but gently was a joke. Yelling only worked for about 7 seconds, and then they just expected me to yell again, and this time louder (because they were increasingly louder). I felt like an utter failure. I came home and vented to Kristin about it, and we were able to laugh about some things, which was great, and both she and Nicole were very encouraging, but I just couldn't shake the feeling of failure.

God comforted me this morning, that though I had failed in so many ways, He had been with me. He had given me grace to speak truth to these kids in small nuggets throughout the day. There was an opportunity that God gave me to tell about half the kids in the class, one on one, that they were not meeting the standards of the classroom, and that is the reason for their punishment. They were mad that they were in trouble, because usually they're "the good kids." I told them that they were comparing themselves to others and thinking that they weren't "as bad" as them. I let them know that I was holding them not to the standard of "better than the bad kids" but to the standard of the rules of the classroom that they're teacher had created.

Of course, if you are a believer in Christ and reading this, you may feel within you the desire to make an analogy that indeed, none of us can meet the standard of perfection, and yet we are all held to it. The only possibility of this perfection, or righteousness, is clinging to Christ, who has fulfilled the law and met this righteous requirement.

"For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit." Romans 8:3-4

This is the part I could not do, working in the public school system. I felt so hindered, so sad, like someone was ripping a book out of their hands just as the mystery was about to be figured out, or someone was turning off the television right before the most pivotal point in a story line. It's like reading that

"all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment."

without also hearing these beautiful truths:

"The Lord is our righteousness"

"because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption."

"For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit.

Not being able to share the crux of redemptive history has really gotten to me. If anyone has any experience sharing the truth of Christ within the boundaries of a goverment/public workplace, please let me know what you have experienced, so that I can learn what is wise and what is best.

I didn't intend for this blog to be so thought-provoking in my own heart regarding what God taught me through this experience. I'm thankful for that. Now on to what I originally planned to blog about, on a more lighthearted note: the apology letters each kid wrote to me.

Their teacher found me in the hall today to give me 15 apology letters. I wanted to share a few of them, as they made me laugh out loud. A lot. :-) Here are a few of the unabridged, sweet, funny letters:

4th runner up:
Dear Ms. Christie,
I am sorry that I caused you so much trouble yesterday and have been disrespectful but me and the whole class is sorry and we really want to make it up to you so if you ever come back we will be extra good to you.
(a boy)

3rd runner up:
Dear Christie,
I'm sorry for standing up when you told me to sit down. I hope you forgive me for that, that's why I wrote you this note to show you so. I'm sorry that the class been roude.
(a boy)

2nd runner up:
Dear Ms. Christie,
I am sorry for being bisrspectful to you. I am more gooder then the way I acted and this is my aplgey to you.
(a girl)

1st runner up:
Dear Ms. Christie,
i'm sorry that I was up out of my seat and talking. I hope the next time you come back I will not talk to eny one so I will not get in trouble. Because when our teacher came to school he was mad. So the next time I think about talking I'll just shut my mouth and will not talk at all.
(a boy)

Grand Prize Winner:
Ms. Christie,
I am extremly sorry that you had to go through all the stress and I am really sorry. I hope you have a great year and that, that never happens again. I hope you find a husban and you have a great class!
(a boy)

I hope you enjoyed these little displays of remorse (mostly over being caught...) They made me laugh and almost made going through yesterday worth it. Funny kids.

Good Bye Sanjaya!

2007-04-18T21:37:00.000-05:00

I'm sure cheers have just erupted all across the nation, as Ryan Seacrest announced that Sanjaya Malakar is, in fact, going home. Good-bye Sanjaya! We wish you well...

No Rhyme or Reason

2007-03-21T13:22:00.000-05:00

This blog is pretty much a compilation of random events I have witnessed over the last month or so, as well as other things that might come to mind while I write. For those of you who like order, be warned, this post will likely have none.

1. A couple of weeks ago, Kristin and I opened the cabinet to see what you see in the picture to the left. We weren't quite sure what it was that seemed to be taking over the upper shelf. You'd think we might try to investigate, but no, instead we kind of laughed nervously and shut the cabinet and didn't think about it. Looking back, I'm not quite sure why. Anyway, about 2 weeks later, Nicole called for me from the kitchen and said, "Um, Alicia, what on earth is growing up there??" My response of
course, was, "Oh yeah, Kristin and I found that a few weeks ago." Silence took the place of the obvious question: "Um, and why is it still there?" We got it down and found that it was a sweet potato that had been left up there, um, a little too long.

This bottom picture shows what it looked like after encounter numero dos.

2. Sometime last week, I went outside one morning to see what the weather was like, and I saw the following:

This is the second accident that has happened in the last few months at this same corner. Both accidents were caused because someone ran that stop sign. Look both ways folks! This particular guy hit the telephone pole, and actually moved it back about 6 inches, our neighbors said. The other car is around the corner, and I didn't take a picture of it, so as not to appear too tacky (I'm pretty sure everyone was ok, or I wouldn't have snapped this photo).

You can really tell the spring is here and summer is on the way. There has been more activity on our street in the past 2 weeks than there has been in the past 5 months. Warm weather really plays a huge part in what happens. We're all looking forward to the people we'll meet over the next few months. Over the past week or so all the things I learned about helping others last year came rushing back into my mind. I'm still glad I live here.

3. I no longer work at Bartlett Tree Experts! I got a teaching job! I will be teaching kids one-on-one when their discipline issues keep them from staying in their classroom. This sounds difficult, but I am really looking forward to it! I have insurance now! And I like kids, so I think I will thoroughly enjoy this job. Because I took this job, inevitably, my last day at Bartlett Tree Experts was Friday! No more receptionista Alicia!

I think the thing I will miss the most is the bathroom. I think Tangerine (or Tarangatang as a dear friend once said...) is the best word to describe it. It took about a month for my retinas to get used to being blinded each time I walked in, but the color kind of grew on me over time. This is a picture of the actual bathroom wall. See you later, Bartlett!

4. Ok. American Idol. Every year there's a kid who just can't seem to be voted out. I've only been watching since Season 3, but let's recap from there. There was John Stevens, who Nicole Judd and I were pretty sure was in the mafia, because we deemed there no other possible explanation for why he was still on the show. Season 4, Anthony Federov. (Look him up. I had to, because I couldn't remember that year very well). Okay, Season 5, Kevin Covais. Chicken Little himself, as American Idol referred to him. While he was precious, he was not cut out for AI, and yet America just kept voting him on back every week, while super good singers were being kicked off. Now we come to the current season, Season 6. Oh, Sanjaya. For crying out loud. Speaking of crying, check out this little girl's reaction to Sanjaya. Is this simply some intense Beatle-fan-like craziness, or is she just seriously upset that he's back yet another week? You decide.

Bud Light Presents...

2007-03-08T23:07:00.000-05:00

Mr. Drive Thru Money Taker Guy

In their series of songs, Real American Heroes, Bud Light gives a shout out to the little people. The everyday folk. They honor people such as the fake tattoo inventor, the 80 spf sunblock wearer, the over the top carb counter, and the way too proud of Texas guy. I think it's nice to honor such as these, so this blog will be dedicated to just that. Inside the Backyard Burger here in Raleigh (Exit 7 off of 540) works the most pleasant man I have ever met. His could easily be the voice of a cartoon character in a Disney movie, and when I use a debit card, he always asks for my autograph, never just my signature. When I asked if I could take his picture, he grinned and gave me the thumbs up. Every time I go through the drive thru, he takes my money with such a pleasant attitude and makes my day all the more bright.

"Thanks for making me smile mister drive thru money taker guy. This Bud's for you." background voice: (mister drive thru money ta-a-a-a-a-ker guy.........)

Go meet him! And stay tuned for more tributes to regular people who happen to take their jobs extraordinarily seriously.

I'll Be There For You... clap clap clap clap clap

2007-02-17T00:34:00.000-05:00

When I worked with Centri-Kid in 2001, I met some of the most amazing friends. It's crazy that almost 6 years later, Nicole, Erin, Amber, Casey, Emily, and I all still keep in close contact. Casey, Emily, and I are all members of Treasuring Christ Church in downtown Raleigh, and Erin, Nicole, Amber and Emily and I have all at one point lived with at least 2 of the others. God has been so gracious in giving me these gifts of friendship with these wonderful girls. Even the girls I live with now, I wouldn't know without having met Casey at camp. Kristin and Nicole are very precious women of God, who help me to understand more about His character each day. It's crazy to think how one short period of life could lead to so many other facets of life being altered.

NICOLE
Nicole Judd is a dear friend who I talk with almost every day. I think it is so wonderful to have a friend like that, who you know will care about whatever dumb thing you thought was funny that day. I am very thankful for her, even though she is very far away in Nashvegas.

After reading Nicole's blog, (on my list of other bloggers, to the side...) it got me thinking. There are some really funny tricks that crazy joker has played on me since we became friends nearly 6 years ago, and I feel that they need to be noted, if not by all, at least by some.

1. Once, I was on a glass bottom boat with Nicole, DaDa, and Randy (a dolphin cruise in Destin). We were one level below other people, and our faces were about knee level with the people above us. I realize this may not make sense... sorry. It's funny to Nicole and me :-) Anyway, on the upper deck, there was a place for people to sit, and the back of those seats were windows, looking into the bottom part, where Nicole and I were. So, Nicole says, "look at that!" and I'm like, "look at what?" she says, "that! look closer!" pointing through the window where people are sitting above us. when I lean into look, she bangs on the window loudly and ducks down so the people turn around just to see my big face staring right at them. She loves to play this trick.

2. Right before I was about to go to China in 2004, Nicole and I were sitting out by the pool, just chatting about what I was going to take, etc. She says, "You're taking your cell phone, right?" I say, "Um, no." She says, "Doesn't your cell phone plan have an international plan too? Mine does!" "No, it doesn't. Shut up." "Yes, it does! Yours probably does too! You should totally take yours." "Well, I guess I could look into it." My statement means victory to her. She just laughs and laughs. "You can't take a cell phone to China! I really had you going!" She also loves to play tricks like this.

3. On my first time to ever eat at McAlister's (one of Nicole's favorite places), she asked me if I would throw her plate away for her. Of course, I took it and walked to the trash can. There was no trash can. I walked around the whole restaurant looking for that blasted trash can. Nothing. I turn around and Nicole can hardly breathe she's laughing so hard. At McAlister's you're supposed to leave everything on the table.

4. Nicole also really loves to roll the window down on my side and put the child lock on when we are at red lights so that the person thinks I've rolled my window down to say something to them, and I just have to smile at them like an idiot, because I have nothing to say, and no, I can't roll my window back up.

5. Nicole came up with a name for this one. I can't remember it, though, so maybe Nicole will help me when she reads this. It was something like The Great Hoax of 2006. We love American Idol. Always. So last year, when Chris Daughtry was voted off, we were surprised. Well, later that night, I got a voicemail from the one and only Nicole Judd, saying, "Oh my gosh, they said they counted the votes wrong and they're giving him another chance on the show!!" I told, oh, I don't know, pretty much everyone that I was in contact with for the next 24 hours who had heard of American Idol. Later the next day, when I talked to her, and I said, "I haven't heard anything about that, when is it happening?" She said, "Oh, gosh, I was totally kidding about that. I made that up!" Nice. We didn't call it the great Hoax (or whatever the name was) until a few days later, after I got over the fact that I had spread falsehoods all over Raleigh about Chris Daughtry. It's funny now. :-)

HALLIE
Hallie and I lived together for 2 years during my time at UWF in Pensacola. Hallie loves cheese. I always think of her if I eat really good cheese. Because of her, I stopped eating American slices altogether, and now I pretty much only eat Cheddar.

I lived with Hallie for 2 years (one of which we lived with Nicole Judd) during my time at UWF in Pensacola. She is a wonderful gift of God to me as a sweet friend who tells the truth, even when it may be a hard truth. Another interesting thing about Hallie is that she likes to play pranks.

1. She loves to turn on my hazard lights when I'm driving, but then when I go to turn them off, they turn on. (She's extremely talented at this. She makes you think she's turned them on, when really, she hasn't. Then when you go to push it again, you are actually turning them on yourself. Very funny.)

2. Hallie also likes to put your car in neutral at red lights when you aren't paying attention. Also very funny. Later. Very funny later.

Now, the following paragraph contains the description of the mother of all pranks. Hallie really set the standard high for all other tricksters we know.

A couple of months ago, Hallie decided to tell Ali, our precious former roommate and super-sweet friend about something called the "Milk Exchange Program." In this program, you can take your old milk jugs to Wal-Mart and they will exchange them for new ones, full of milk. If you're getting excited about the possibility of doing this. Don't. Well, actually, you could stop reading this and then go do it, and come back and tell us how it goes. Yes, do that. On with the story. Hallie really talked this up a while, then let it die, not sure if she could pull it off. One day, the two of them were about to go to Wal-Mart, and Ali grabbed the empty milk jug. I don't know how Hallie kept it together. They walk in together, and the person with the blue smock who gives you stickers for returns of course tries to give her a sticker for her milk jug. Ali says no thanks, she's here for the Milk Exchange Program. They walk up to the counter, and Ali, with total confidence tells the employee why she is there with an empty milk jug. The woman says, "I'm not quite sure what that's about, but I was gone yesterday. Let me ask if I missed something when I was out." The lady comes back and says, she doesn't know what the Milk Exchange Program is, at which time Ali looks back at Hallie who is probably doubling over with laughter at this point. The pictures to the right probably accurately portray what she looked like. Ali, full of grace, says, "Oh. I see." We love you Ali! Thank you for falling for the best prank ever! :-)

Thanks for reading my ramblings about God's graces in my life through a couple of my friends. Even my friends and our silliness are a constant reminder that He is good, and that when we place our joy in Him, and make Him our greatest treasure, then we will not be disappointed.

California!

2007-02-01T13:19:00.000-05:00

The past 3 days were probably the most packed couple of days I have had in a long time. It all started a couple of weeks ago, after my friend Erin went to the Ellen Degeneres Show in Burbank, CA. I decided to check online for tickets... A few hours later, the show called and asked how many I wanted! So... this past Monday morning, Nicole, Kristin and I woke up bright and early to head to the airport to catch our flight to L.A.!

None of us had flown in nearly a year, so we didn't know about all the new rules (no liquids on the plane...). This was a sad sad thing, because we had to go back and put everything in our check-on luggage. Each of us has a pretty intense chapstick addiction. By the time we were about an hour into our 2nd flight, our lips were hurting pretty badly for our chapstick. We tried water at first, but it just didn't last. It got so bad that we asked our flight attendant if she had any lotion or anything wet we could put on our lips (there was still several hours left on our flight. So, she brought us a cup with some lotion in it. The thing is, at first it worked (kind of), but pretty soon after, it burned. The lotion was called Lemon and Wasabi or something.

When we finally got there, we got our chapstick out, and headed to the rental car place. The SUV's were the same price as an economy car, which is crazy, but true! We drove a Toyota Highlander around while we were there (sunroof and all) and had a blast! The drivers are crazy there, but God answered our prayers and kept us all safe and sane.

The first night, we met my friend Erin and went to the Farmer's Market to eat lunch, and then we went to Hollywood later that night. We saw Jimmy Kimmel outside of his studio, interviewing people or something, and then we just walked around and looked at the "stars." You can't really tell, but I am sitting by William Shatner's star. For those of you who know me well, you'll remember when I thought William Shatner died. For about 3 months, I believed this to be true, until I saw him in a Priceline commercial, and I thought that was really tacky for them to use his commercial after he died. Of course, I Googled it and realized he was very much still alive.

We also went to Grauman's Chinese Theater to look at all the hand prints of the famous people. The cool part about going to Hollywood, was not only the excitement of seeing someone currently famous, but to be able to see where all the old classy actors and actresses had once been, and where their careers were born. It was all so neat.

The next day (Tuesday), we woke up really early so I could get in line for the Ellen Show. We thought only one person was supposed to wait in line, but we found out later (too late) that it doesn't matter if your friends wait with you. Kristin and Nicole dropped me off around 4:30 (which thankfully only felt like 7:30 because of the time difference). Out of 250 seats, we were numbers 8, 9, and 10! It was definitely worth it. Here's a picture of us on the show after Ellen said something funny.

I have to put in a shout out to CK West Coast 2005... I ate at In-N-Out Burger!! I called several of you (Sims, Emily, Miley) and thought of our team. I ate a double cheeseburger with fries and a coke. There's not too much to choose from, if you remember, but what they have sure is good!

This was our last day, sadly, so after the show taping we went out to Santa Monica Pier, where we saw a movie being filmed. It will have Paris Hilton in it, who I am not a fan of, but I have to say it was still pretty cool to see part of it being made. Paris had already left for the night, but we took some pictures of the guy who's in it. It's called "The Hottie and the Nottie" and it's supposed to come out next year sometime. Apparently it's about a girl and her fiance and how she won't marry him until he finds someone to date her ugly friend. A Paris Hilton film is not something I would normally want to see, but I think I'll see it, just since we saw part of it being filmed.

After that, we were so tired, we went right back to the hotel and went to sleep. The 7am flight back was uneventful, (with a beautiful sunrise from the plane) and we are so thankful to have had this experience! It was such a whirlwind, but we had a blast. I totally recommend going to see the Ellen show, if you're ever in the area. And to you, if you stuck through with this blog to the end, thanks so much for caring! :-)

My disclaimer: Not all of these pictures are mine! We combined our photos after we got back, and several of these are Nicole's and Kristin's. Casey's been teaching us so much! :-)

We All Have Our Weirdies...

2007-01-24T11:25:00.000-05:00

“People who get tagged need to write a blog post of 6 weird things about them as well as state this rule clearly. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says ‘you are tagged’ in their comments and tell them to read your blog.”

I've been tagged by Ben Robinson, who I know through Nicole Judd. I am tagging Erin Burnett, Nicole Wilson, Rachel Bolyard, Casey Chappell, Kristin Cook, and Katrina Maestri...

It'll be difficult for me to narrow down my quirks to just 6 concise answers, but I'll try my best:

1. Sometimes I like to drive around bad neighborhoods with graffiti on the buildings and trains listening to songs like, "Where Is the Love?" by the Black Eyed Peas and pretend that I am in a music video.

2. I don't like to wash my hands. (Don't worry, I do it, I just don't like to.)

3. I LOVE the theme song from The Biggest Loser. I get all teary-eyed when I hear it. "What have you done today, to make you feel proud.... yeah, we need a change, yeah, do it today, yeah.."

4. I get annoyed when people say, "I gave 110%," or really any percentage over 100. It's just not possible, and it just means more if you are realistic in saying what you did or how much you love someone.

5. Local commercials deeply frustrate me. It makes me super annoyed that someone would make something so cheesy and so non-professional and then air it like it should make us take them seriously. Except for Sammy Stevens of course... http://youtube.com/watch?v=vao-IfsMROA. He is the only exception. This is only because his song can be adapted to all walks of life. Take margarine for example... "It's just like, it's just like, like butter, but worse." Or take the elliptical machine... "It's just like, it's just like, like running, without the joint damage..." It works.

6. I don't like "daily doubles" on Jeopardy. They interrupt the flow of question and answers, and I generally lose interest and change the channel when they occur.

There you have it. I'm super weird :-)

Snow!!

2007-01-18T10:49:00.000-05:00

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Well, I woke up this morning, and as I was getting ready for work, I thought I'd check outside, just in case it actually snowed like they predicted. It did!!! I'm super excited about it! I've only seen snow once a few years back when I went to Alaska, and before that, never!! This was the first time my dog Poucha (or Precious, or Baby Girl, or Baby Dog Face, or just Face) had ever seen or touched it, so that was fun!

Before any of you begin to mock me, please understand that I realize this is not a lot of snow, and that in most places, no one would even take a look at the dusting on the ground. However, I'm stoked!

Now that I'm done with the disclaimer, on with the story :-) Since I didn't have to go into work, due to the icy roads, Kristin and I took a run around the block (out of sheer excitement...). I later threw some snowballs at Kristin as she rode her bike to work, then I threw some at Akasio's window (which he soon came out and pelted me right back with one as I wasn't looking...), and then I made each of our neighbors a mini-snowman... (pictured to the left... so I'm not a great snowman maker...).

I hope more snow comes, and soon! I have decided that I love snow. How did I ever live in Florida for so long?

A girl's best friend.....

2007-01-16T11:00:00.000-05:00

Some girls have a purse fetish. Some love shoes, or hair products... I happen to love t-shirts. However, the really funny ones are super expensive! Since I can't go out and buy 12 new t-shirts, I thought I'd post some of the funny ones here. Enjoy!

I hope you enjoyed them! And if you are a t-shirt designer, and you happen to be reading this... please make them cheaper for the common folk. Please.

For there is no distinction...

2007-01-09T12:34:00.000-05:00

So, I forgot my password for about a month and a half… but I know it now! :-) I want to update this more regularly, with prayer requests and funny stories, etc… Several things have changed since the first and only time I posted a blog.

A) Kristin, Nicole, and I moved into the house next door. We love it!! There's a real dishwasher and a separate room for laundry! We are thankful for the newfound space we all have in this house, and we want to use it for the glory of God. Come over and hang out if you're in the neighborhood :-)

B) The crack house down the street was busted. This caused most of the prostitutes to leave, since they basically only prostitute themselves to support their drug habits… we have mixed emotions about this. Our desire is for the drugs to be gone from the neighborhood, but it also takes the girls we were getting to know out of our sphere of communication. It is a lesson in trust that God is in control and will continue to work in their hearts through other people, we pray.

C) Our friends Ben and Akasio moved into the place Nicole and I used to live. That makes 7 guys living next door, which I think helps all of our parents to sleep better at night. We are thankful for the fellowship, as well as the added aspects of accountability, encouragement and safety.

I really wish I would have been doing this blog for a long time, as I thought through the past 7 months and all that has happened. Some general things that have happened recently on our block are: drug deals, Bible study, murder, being banned from the Super Dollar (if you want the rest of that story, just ask...), prostitution, great conversations, peeping toms (well, tom-ettes actually…), car theft (see Casey's Blog) and a whole lot of learning. The most important thing I have learned recently is found in Romans chapter 3. It’s right before a very popular verse. “For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by His grace as a gift…” I am awed and humbled by this. There is no distinction between myself and the prostitute. Between myself and the thief, between myself and the drug dealers or users. None. I am thankful for that reminder. May I never forget.

My first blog!

2006-11-17T08:35:00.000-05:00

This is my first blog. Well, technically it's my second. But it's the first you'll ever see on this page, since I don't know what I'm doing, and the 1st one I created last night is nowhere to be found. I'm off work today, so I thought I'd try to figure out more about this whole blogging thing. It's too bad I haven't been doing this for a long time, because a lot of exciting things have happened in the downtown area since we've been here. "Downtown" encompasses quite a bit. It includes fun places and fun things to do, beautiful homes and old neighborhoods. It also includes the neighborhood we live in, which is right on the edge of all of that. Our street is literally the dividing line between some of the wealthiest people in Raleigh and some of the poorest. We live here on purpose. Our neighborhood might be described as ghetto-fabulous. Ask me on a bad day, though, and the "fabulous" part might not be on my lips. I am easily discouraged, which is one reason I am starting this blog, so I can be reminded of the faithfulness of God as I recount all He has done and taught. We love being able to live in a community where there are prostitutes and drug houses and darkness. Let me rephrase that. We don't love that the darkness is there, but because it is there, we are grateful to be able to be lights among it. We are not doing this alone, either. Our church offers much support and wisdom, as all of the pastors and their families, along with many other church members live in this community or similar ones. My roommate Nicole and I currently live in one half of a duplex where 6 guys from TCC (as we like to call our church, for short) live on the other side. We are grateful for their help with reaching the community and for giving us insight in helping those around us. God's faithfulness abounds through my weakness, doubts, and many fears!